"Life Gave Me Lemonade"

A work week

2012-02-09T21:09:00.000-08:00

Here is a sample work week:
Monday 9 am-8:30 pm
Tuesday 6:30 am-5:30 pm
Wednesday 6:00 am-5:30 pm
Thursday 6:45 am-5:15 pm
Friday 8:00 am-5:00 pm

Add in 45 minutes drive time on either side and you have an officially crazy week!!!
The next week I have one day where I get off a drive at 11pm and have to be back at work to start another drive at 6:15 am the next morning---things are heating up and this is going to be interesting!!

It's Wednesday.

2012-02-08T20:43:00.000-08:00

Technically, hump day.

BUT who has two thumbs and has to work on Saturday??

You guessed it--me!!

3 more days until REST!

Super Bowl

2012-02-06T09:40:00.000-08:00

Yayy Giants!! What a game, it was fabulous in both sides! I enjoyed white wine, pita chips, hummus, a pinterest chicken finger recipe an a ice cream drumstick--all super-yummy and made better by the presence of my sister and bro-in-law and parents! But the big news of the night is that my sister cut my hairs (yes, plural)!!! She cut about 3 inches off and here is the result. She did an awesome job and it feels so much healthier!!

The Only Thing I'm Absolute About. . .

2012-02-04T19:37:00.001-08:00

. . . Is no absolutes!!!

I say that because I am beginning to realize that I'm not an "absolutes" type of girl. I'm not black and white. There's no one thing I'm interested in. There's no one tried and true thing that I always do in certain situations. There is no one thing that absolutely always gets a laugh out of me. And so on.

I'm just now beginning to realize what a complicated personality I have. It makes it hard for people to get to know me and, I'm sure, some could think I'm flighty because my brain is constantly working and challenging my own decisions so I often change my mind and opinion on different issues. I'm a little like an onion (Shrek reference) . . . But I hope I'm a little more savory to the palate than an onion. Maybe a 7 layer dip? Or an everlasting gobstopper?

I like everlasting gobstopper---let's go with it!!

Just Another Day At the Office

2012-02-02T20:08:00.000-08:00

Currently, I'm a phlebotomist by trade. I stick a (pretty darn big) needle in a person's arm and get a unit of blood from them that is then centrifuged and broken down into components and, within 24 hours, being transfused into 3 blessed people whose bodies' desperately need assistance fighting the physiological battles they are facing. If I'm doing my job well, you (as the donor) should hardly feel that needle. So today that's what I did--I stuck people, and tried my durndest to do it well.
The job is super experience for what I hope is to come in my life, but my favorite part of the day is interacting with donors. Today I was asked all sorts of questions about the process, about the physiology of the process, etc. Questions from "Is my blood blue inside me?" to "How old are you?" (haha) to "Are you going to run those tubes and see if I have herpes or something?" Yes, I've been doing this job 3 weeks and I've already heard some crazy things--I can't wait to see what's to come!
We were at a high school today and I just loved interacting with the students. They were inquisitive and funny and encouraging all in one! But, by far, my favorite part of the whole thing is teaching others to love physiology and the craziness of our bodies' design. Teaching the students that happened to sit on my bed all about clotting and how the blood clots so that "we can walk around with openings to the outside and not 'drain out'" is a really, really fun thing. Being able to tell an inquisitive girl that I don't have "to do anything to her" to make that hole stop bleeding and that I'm just going to let her body do that work is such a fun thing to do. I hope that they catch just a little of my awe at the sheer wonder of our bodies!

Loose Ends

2012-02-01T19:05:00.000-08:00

This week I've been very agitated and restless because I'm waiting on the Lord [not the "Lord, which path should I take?" kind-of waiting, but the "Lord, open a door. There's nothing here apart from your plan" kind-of waiting.] When I informed my mother of this she pointed out to me that I'd "rather have a 'absolute no' today and go ahead and deal with any fall-out there may be with a negative outcome than have a 'yes' in a week." People, it's truth. It may seem stupid when you read it but I would rather get the answer I don't want, right this moment and tie up the loose ends on my emotions than sit "hanging loose" for a week or so and get the answer I've always desired.
I'm a finisher. I want to check a task off the list and be done with it for good. I don't like to dawdle. I don't like to dwell. It's occasionally not healthy. Case in point: now.
So, I'm waiting. And the Lord is teaching me. And, for this moment, I'm calm and resting in his flawless plan for my life (no promises for 10 minutes from now, though!). I'm reminding myself that I'm so short-sighted that I desire the wrong things, and if I wait with patience and earnestly seek His will then He will guide me where He wants me to go!

Where we are, Where we've been

2012-01-25T18:17:00.000-08:00

This blog started out as a random endeavor and has become something with a little more meaning.

First, the stats.

My first post:

Stride. . .

I feel like I have hit my stride on this whole college thing. I am learning to balance my spiritual life, with my academic life, with my social life, with my love. . . OK, let's not get too carried away. I am so happy where I am and I am learning that the place of duty is most definitely the place of blessing.
Today I signed up for volunteering at the Anderson Free Medical Clinic, went to my first epidemiology class (and liked it a lot), studied organic (yes, I'm a dork, but I like it a lot too!), celebrated Julia's belated birthday with the rest of the girls of 731, watched a movie, started a blog (woot woot), outwitted the Clemson parking services by parking in a timed spot for an hour and a half instead of the hour I paid for, and realized that a week from tomorrow is the First Friday parade and the start of a football weekend!!!!!!
Life is good and this semester is SO much better than last!! Thank Heavens, that I have finally hit my stride!!!

The Years, by Numbers:

The first calendar year (2009) I wrote 17 posts.

The second year (2010) I wrote 27 posts.

The third year (2011) I wrote 89 posts.

And thus far in 2012 I have written 5 posts--eesh, I need to hurry up.

2009 began (in August) with hitting my stride at Clemson and ended with the joy of being in the Lord. (Which, by the way, I just read that post and was completely encouraged! Yay for a blog!!)

2010 began with Word Vomit (that whole episode still makes me cringe) and ended with transitions from 2010 to 2011 and what I expected to occur in the year to come (after reading that post again, though, let me say that in 2011 I DID NOT do a medical mission trip, obtain a paying summer job, have many clinical experiences or really and truly figure out where I would be for the 2 years following college [that's still in the works, but hey, obviously we got the 1st month down pat because here I am!]--so maybe my expectations were a little high for 2011!)**

**Please do not ever let me "predict" the year ahead, again!!

2011 began with the brokenness of marriage and relationships (wow! way to begin with a bang there Catharine!!---I'm so sorry for that!!) and ended with a quote from Bonhoeffer (now that's a way to wind down on a year!!).

And 2012 began with my first blood spatter on my scrubs!!! Well, it really began with a hiatus message but we'll skip that one for record-keeping sake of actual events. But with blood spatter to begin who knows where 2012 will wind up!!!! I'm super-excited about what 2012 will bring, I'm a little nervous, a little anxious, a little ready to say "Good Riddance!!" to surprises, and just wondering where I'll wind up at the end of it all!

So now, back to what I said about the blog taking on a little more meaning. At first it was a record of events, I've only ever prayer-journaled and I began to realize that things were slipping by and this is what came from that realization. Then I realized that I had one or two readers and I began to publish some of my more serious thoughts on here. With that came more in-depth examination of those thoughts because I knew if they were published for all the world to see I had to be ready to give an answer for what I believed and I had to publish them in such a way that they weren't misconstrued (so I really had to dissect my thoughts and ask myself, 'What are you meaning when you think or say such-and-such?", etc.). And now, I'm realizing that people are reading this little site and that through it they are praying for me and loving me all the more, and I cannot tell you what that means to me! I covet any and all prayers and am so very grateful for them!

But also, I hope that this site is an encouragement to your soul as a reader. I don't know much but I hope that something that the Lord has revealed to me or caused me to write on this site has been useful to you. There are times when I sit down to write one thing and an entirely different thing gets posted and usually that's for my sake entirely but I hope that in some way you've been blessed too!

Anyway, thanks for reading for two and a half years now! It means a lot!!!!

C.S.L. Says It Best

2012-01-24T19:51:00.000-08:00

This is how I felt when I was writing the post-before-last:

"Thirty was so strange for me. I've really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking, talking adult." --C.S. Lewis

He's right. And I'm not 30 but that's what I'm feeling.

First design endeavor!!

2012-01-18T20:25:00.000-08:00

The apartment in Charleston is almost done!!! I've played minor roles as architect and interior designer in this process and I can't wait to see everything done. I'm only slightly nervous about the paint color, but there is such thing as a re-do (Hallelujah!). It's hard to paint a tiny space and make it warm but not too dark!! But, enough rambling: check out the photos here!! More pics to come this weekend, when I am there and able to see all the fun progress (I hear mentions of CABINETS!!!)!!!

Living 1 Timothy 4:12

2012-01-18T20:03:00.000-08:00

For the past few weeks I have struggled with who I am--well, age-wise that is!
Am I a student? Nope. But I do live in a college-town with college people.
Am I a child? Errr. . . I don't think so.
Am I an adult? Yes. . . but, then again, I can't even buy alcohol yet, soooooo. . .
Am I treated like an adult? Well, yeah.
Am I doing adult things? YES. I am doing things many adults never comprehend doing or knowing or wanting to know.

So here's what I am: a young, hard-working girl (note: not woman yet--still too young for that!) who is living and breathing by 1 Timothy 4:12: "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in faith and in purity."
It's hard to maintain purity when you have to be really open and honest about the things of this world and the many sinful behaviors that our society condones. It's a challenge to love and serve donors, coworkers, bosses, etc. It's hard for me to maintain the balance of "not letting anyone look down on me" for my pride's sake vs. "not letting anyone look down on me" for the glory of the Lord. And I've failed miserably on this point! It's hard for me to fail and not get angry at myself so I strive to avoid failure altogether, though that's awesome for the donors' sake, it's not awesome for my own well-being or the longevity of my happiness at my job. We all need to fail sometime, we need mercy, we need room to breathe and grow, we learn from failure, Christ spent His time on this earth with "failures." So I need to lighten up.
Speech. Conduct. Faith. Purity. Everything from a smile on my face when it's butt-early in the morning and I walk in that door and clock in, a cheerful heart, a loving spirit, joyful speech, laughter, a will to learn and do, etc. I'm learning as I go. It's definitely a different setting but it is also incredibly fun!! And I do absolutely love it!!

P.S. January is flying, flying by. Where'd it go?? I hope your 2012 has been awesome so far and has been full of fresh starts. Isn't it exciting to see what it will bring??? ;)

First Blood Spatter on Scrubs!!

2012-01-11T20:16:00.000-08:00

Score one for me!!! I followed our protocol and still got blood on my scrubs BUT I am so stinking proud! I really do like my new job. And here is photographic evidence of my first war wound!

It looked much more impressive in person ;) haha

P.S. I know, I am now officially a dork but I do love medicine and I can't wait for more blood spatters to come!!

I Am Coming Back Soon

2012-01-08T10:36:00.001-08:00

I promise to write soon! Between a new job that gets me up early and home late (too bad I can't blog on the 50 minute commute) and getting re-settled into some semblance of a routine after Christmas, things have been busy!! But I will be back to posting regularly again soon. For now: a Sunday nap...Be still my soul!

Bonhoeffer

2011-12-31T08:26:00.001-08:00

"The family trees of Karl and Paula Bonhoeffer are everywhere so laden with figures of accomplishment that one might expect future generations to be burdened by it all. But the welter of wonderfulness was that their heritage seems to have been a boon, one that buoyed them up so that each child seems not only to have stood on the shoulders of giants but also to have danced on them."

I want my generations to come to stand as a monument to the Lord's faithfulness.

P.S. read Eric Metaxes' bio on Bonhoeffer. I am in the first chapter and cannot put it down!

Photographic Evidence

2011-12-29T19:57:00.000-08:00

YES, I did graduate.

And YES, I am excited about it!

Budgeting

2011-12-28T21:06:00.000-08:00

I just made my budget for the next few months. Whew! That's a whole lot of work for just a few dollars worth of savings!!!! If anyone in the upstate needs a babysitter, I. Am. Game. I will be squirreling away all I can for the next few months because there may be two and a half desert years ahead of me financially.

Next Thursday I start my job (A week from today!!)--and you better believe I WILL work overtime!!

Merry Christmas!!

2011-12-26T11:57:00.001-08:00

I hope that everyone had a day full of love and joy yesterday. I know that for many this is not an easy time of year and feelings of fear, loneliness, sadness, etc. can't simply be taken away with pretty lights and songs and even gifts you thought you so desired. I pray that this Christmas you experienced the joy that comes only in Christ. As my amazing minister said, "He comes as an infant in order that He might do from the beginning of life what we have failed to do from the beginning of life." We will fail over and over again but Jesus came to redeem us all, to separate us from our sin so that we are able to enter into the Father's presence so that we may one day experience a joy and love that is without flaw.
He left complete joy and love and glory to come down to Earth as a babe and experience rejection, humiliation, pain, and, worst of all, separation from the perfect joy in harmony with the Father and the Holy Spirit that He already had. But He came for us----"Thanks be to God for His inexpressible gift" (2 Corinthians 9:15).
Merry Christmas to all!

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

2011-12-22T15:22:00.000-08:00

It's blurry---but there it is.

I'm a graduate.

"Boy Wanted"

2011-12-20T14:25:00.000-08:00

Recently one of our favorite books from childhood has resurfaced and somehow landed on the coffee table in my parents' den. It is The Children's Book of Virtues--a beautiful hardback book filled with all kinds of virtuousness. I was perusing the book last night as I sat resting my bones and I came across a gem of a poem written by Frank Crane, apparently it appeared in a "want ad" in the early part of the 20th century.

WANTED--A boy who stands straight, sits straight, acts straight and talks straight;

A boy whose fingernails are not in mourning, whose ears are clean, whose shoes are polished, whose clothes are brushed, whose hair is combed, and whose teeth are well cared for;

A boy who listens carefully when he is spoken to, who asks questions when he does not understand, and does not ask questions about things that are none of his business;

A boy who moves quickly and makes as little noise about it as possible;

A boy who whistles in the street, but does not whistle where he ought to keep still;

A boy who looks cheerful, has a ready smile for everybody, and never sulks;

A boy who is polite to every man and respectful to every woman and girl;

A boy who does not smoke cigarettes and has no desire to learn how;

A boy who is more eager to know how to speak good English than to talk slang;

A boy who neither bullies other boys nor allows other boys to bully him;

A boy who, when he does not know a thing, says, "I don't know," and when he has made a mistake says, "I'm sorry," and when he is asked to do a thing says, "I'll try";

A boy who looks you right in the eye and tells the truth every time;

A boy who is eager to read good books;

A boy who would rather put in his spare time at the YMCA gymnasium than gamble for pennies in a back room;

A boy who does not want to be "smart" or in any wise to attract attention;

A boy who would rather lose his job or be expelled from school than tell a lie or be a cad;

A boy whom other boys like;

A boy who is at ease in the company of girls;

A boy who is not sorry for himself, and not forever thinking and talking about himself;

A boy who is friendly with his mother, and more intimate with her than anyone else;

A boy who makes you feel good when he is around;

A boy who is not goody-goody, a prig, or a little pharisee, but just healthy, happy, and full of life.

This boy is wanted everywhere. The family wants him, the school wants him, the office wants him, the boys want him, the girls want him, all creation wants him.

I'll also include my very favorite from the book--one that is, to this day, repeated regularly in our household.

Try, Try Again

'Tis a lesson you should heed,

Try, try again;

If at first you don't succeed,

Try, try again;

Then your courage should appear,

For, if you will persevere,

You will conquer, never fear;

Try, try again.

End of an Era

2011-12-17T22:28:00.000-08:00

I am done with college. My grades are in (and I passed all my courses), my eportfolio is done, no parking tickets to be paid, no library fines to be paid THEREFORE I am 100% positive that I will be getting a diploma on Thursday!! It feels good--a little weird--but good. I feel immensely blessed as I have already been showered with much love and awesome gifts for my life to come and I'm just 24 hours out!! My friends, my family, my church, my community--I am blessed beyond measure!!!

Let Christmas and all the family time begin!!!!

Another "In the Morning" Post

2011-12-15T18:57:00.000-08:00

And this time it's my last!!

Since my last post I have completed 2 exams---blasted one completely out of the water and the other, well, I made just 4 points more than what I had to make to get an A(just a wee bit too close for my comfort). So here I find myself at the "2 down, 1 to go" point. Perhaps the hardest point of all in the exam week process. My brain is rebelling, my body's reeling from all the crap food I've eaten in an effort to clean out the fridge, my butt is tired of sitting, my knees are tired from being crossed beneath me in an effort to keep my butt from hurting, my nails are shot, my hair's a mess, etc. So, Clemson, way to provide a solid exam week in order to get me emotionally ready to detach from you.

Alright, back to studying I begrudgingly go---8:30 in the am is coming fast and it's my LAST ONE!!!!!

Talk to y'all soon--as a "Candidate for Graduation!"

In the Morning

2011-12-12T21:37:00.000-08:00

8 am tomorrow: History of Country Music exam :)

Must get a 60 to make an A.

I think we're ok. (If I wake up in time)

After that: 2 exams are all that remains of my college career.

Study Party

2011-12-11T12:41:00.000-08:00

I'm having a study party for one currently. It's cold outside and I'm at my corner desk in front of my drafty window so I have my down throw on my knees and a pink wool sweater on, along with my reindeer pjs (Yes, reindeer--I'm festive, don't hate.). Pandora is playing some lovely Christmas tunes and I may just make a cup of hot chocolate in a few minutes. This is fun. This is just what I wanted my last exam week to be like---a final push with real effort and some Christmas spirit thrown in.

My Car

2011-12-08T11:54:00.000-08:00

I have always loved my car! I got it in October of 2008 and my Daddy blessed me with buying it new so that I can have it for a long, long time and not pay for a car until I'm at least 30 (ok, maybe overstatement BUT I hope so!). Funny aside: When we were shopping for it the car salesman even started talking about how it was a great car for kids and yadayadayada--I think it freaked my Dad out a little that this could be the car I drive my family around in one day. Aside done--back to my story.
I name objects, my whole family does, and those names reflect the "personality" of their respective objects. For example: my coffeemaker's name is "Javier" (he's sleek and hot [get it? hot]) , my J.Crew necklace that's an elephant is "Fred" (he just looks like a Fred), my childhood blanket is "Blankie" but the corner I sucked my thumb with is "Corny" and the little creature in the opposite corner whose eyelids are all tired and droopy looking was "Night-Night" (yes, 3 names, one object. . . I was a particular child). So with all those names, of course my car had to have a good one. He (yes, he) was dubbed Fin. You see Fin is a white, 2009 Hyundai Sonata and the antenna on that model is very dolphin fin- and cute-looking, one of the things that I love about him.

3 years later and Fin is about to hit his 29,000 mile birthday (yes, only 29,000 miles in 3 years--I love it! Maybe I will have him 'til I'm 30)! He and I have taken many road trips back and forth to Clemson, one or two to North Carolina, a few to Charleston and errrr, that's about it!

Note the "fin"

Well, I have always liked Fin a whole lot but never really truly appreciated him until yesterday. Yesterday, on my way home from class I was taking the off-ramp off 76 and turning right onto 93. I was stopped completely at the red light, humming to my Christmas music, and watching the traffic and then that sickening metal on metal sound and a jolt. Ugggghhhh. Got out, saw that the girl was okay and told her to follow me to a parking lot right off 93. Apparently, her brakes stopped working and so she crashed into the back of me (although they worked just fine when she drove into the parking lot and parked in a space). If that's truly the case I am glad I was there to keep her from going into the oncoming traffic.
Anyway, I call the police and the wait for them to get there begins (Hint: no one get seriously injured in Clemson and need help fast). Poor girl is really flustered and tells me how glad she is that it was me and how she just knew it was going to be a 50 year old woman screaming at her who came out of that nice, new car (Is this a compliment to my shiny, clean car [thanks mom and dad for insisting I get it washed last time I was home] or should I be upset that she basically told me I had an old-person car??). Policeman finally comes, determines that her front bumper went up under my back bumper on impact, and goes to start writing the accident report. But my flustered friend isn't done. She stops the nice policeman and asks, "Do you know what time it is? I have to be at the courthouse by 1:30 to pay a ticket." He gave her a bit of an incredulous look (in a kind way), told her the time, and made his way to his car to write the report. I had to remind myself to shut my mouth and turned to get out of the cold rain and text my mom to give her a heads-up that Fin would need a new bumper.
Finally the report was done and we were all able to go on our merry way. Oh, and the girl definitely still had time to make it to the courthouse by 1:30.
My sheer relief that it wasn't my fault and that Fin isn't super-damaged is tinged with a little sadness though. First, when the girl explained to the policeman that her brakes wouldn't work, he gently told her that she didn't need to be driving it and she sighed and said "But it's my only form of transportation." Here I was standing by my "shiny, new, 50 year-old woman car" that my parents so graciously have blessed me with and she is so unable to afford better brakes that she's risking her life driving around every day. I then got the insurance report and not only is the car in her name, but also the insurance. I was so proud of her for doing the legal thing and even having insurance (I am sure it's not easy to see money going out of your already-low account if it doesn't buy you food or a roof over your head.) but it made me sad that she had to absorb that cost on her own. She's a student at Tri-county in the Dental Hygiene program and it wouldn't shock me if she was paying her way through that on her own.
I don't understand paying a honkin' tuition check or fighting for my next meal or not having a financial and emotional safety net below me for the few things that I actually pay for. The whole thing was an eye-opener. Today as I drove Fin around I found myself going slower over the speed bumps in my apartment parking lot, braking a whole lot earlier in the Clemson "rush hour" traffic, and whipping into my parking spot a whole lot more carefully. So thankful to have a car that is safe and reliable and (mostly) intact. As I listened to my Christmas playlist that is chock full of songs that I didn't blink at the price of when downloading, I began to think about what I have and what I think I "need." Catharine, "need" means nothing to you. You don't know the meaning of that word.
I hope and pray that the girl is able to get a more reliable car soon. I hope that she has someone to spend Christmas with who loves her and who she can love back. I hope that she didn't get another ticket that would cost her more money she didn't need to spend. And I hope that I never forget how stinkin' blessed I am that the Lord chose me to be my parents' child and how much they have scrimped and saved on themselves to provide above and beyond for their children and others. I pray that with every material blessing I have in my life I seek to glorify the Lord with it, just as they have done, whether that be with a car, money, a home, a job, anything and everything.

Thoughts for this Tuesday

2011-12-06T23:43:00.000-08:00

15 days until I graduate!!!
Have my cap, have my gown, have my stole.
1 test and 4 exams stand between me and walking across that stage in Littlejohn Coliseum on December 22nd at 11 am!!!!!

Also:
- I have a start date for my job: January 5th--Coming to a bloodmobile near you!
- The TIGERS WON!! ACC championship for a graduation present--not too shabby.
- I am sure that if they studied it, Christmas lights would be found to release endorphins.

Happy December!!!

2011-12-01T20:03:00.000-08:00

It's been a busy week. Phew! If I can make it through Tuesday I will still have exams ahead of me but I will be feeling very, very good! Between now and then I have a research proposal due, a presentation on an article about the cost-effectiveness of community-based blood pressure control strategies in developing countries, and an interview and paper with a health management professional. eesh!
But here are a few great things:
-CMA Country Christmas (w/ Miss Piggy)
-Homemade Veggie Soup (with cornbread AND tabasco)
-Cold Weather
-Feeling Better
-Groceries
-Getting up to workout in the morning (that's how much better I feel)
-Going to bed before midnight
-Heading to Charlotte this weekend
-Attending ACC Championship (Go Tigers!)
-20 days to graduation!!!!!!!!
-It's December.

"Hallelujah, Hallelujah is the jubilant refrain! God is sending us a Savior--Peace on Earth, Good will to man."

11/29/10-11/29/11: Changes

2011-11-29T19:18:00.000-08:00

Tonight I was prompted to think of all the things that have happened in my life since last November 29th and it is an odd sensation. Perhaps it strikes me more since I am graduating in 23 days and I feel like I'm coming into the person I will be for the rest of my life (this probably should have happened earlier ;D ). Maybe it's this odd thought I have that I don't need anybody or anything else in my life to stay completely satisfied forever. I've changed this year, I feel it. Maybe not outwardly but I am a different person inside.

This year I've been unable to heal the hurts of people I love. I've seen what love is and what it is not. I've put myself "out there" in many areas of my life and risked failing in bigger ways than before. I've learned/shaped the role I will take in my family as we go forward. I've felt a sense of exponentially increasing independence from my family and home, concurrent with an ever-increasing sense of a unified front with them (that makes no sense, I'm sure). I've taken giant leaps towards my career calling and realized that I will need to seriously work at not being a workaholic because I'm going to love it. I've drawn up images and goals in my mind of where I want myself to be physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally in the decades beyond my twenties and thirties.

Perhaps I've got this new sense of life beyond "me." I've been so stuck on the "get to career" images and dreams that I'm just now beginning to see beyond. I'm beginning to challenge myself in a what will I do with my life type of way rather than what will I do with my useful years. What will I do with my life in the years beyond what society calls "useful" for my life?? What can I do now to challenge my brain and soul so that when the day comes I can still be a warrior of righteousness despite my failing body??

I'm just getting older, and that's good. . . most of the time.

A list

2011-11-26T20:50:00.000-08:00

No deep mind-wanderings tonight just a list of the "lately" things:

1. It was a superb Thanksgiving. I celebrated with 73 of my closest family. 73 almost turned into 74 as my cousin contracted her way through the afternoon festivities (but alas, 74 has yet to make his appearance [that I've heard of]). M's foot got run over by the enormous trailer being pulled for the hayride (no broken bones [that I know of]). Those are the highlights. Oh, and the food. . . but even better, the leftovers that should last me through exams.
2. ALL of the Wingate homestead's Christmas decorations are up!!! I do believe it is a record--less than 48 hours after Thanksgiving.
3. Christmas music. Be still my soul.
4. A new antibiotic. OH, did I mention that as of this morning I can't hear out of my right ear at all?? Thus, new antibiotic!!
5. Clemson lost (self-explanatory).
6. 26 days until graduation
7. Apartment Christmas decorating tomorrow!!!
8. STUDY!!! FOCUS!!! EYE ON GOAL LINE!!!! EXAMS!!!

Night, friends! Happy Sabbath tomorrow!

Family Time!!!

2011-11-21T17:44:00.000-08:00

I have another sinus infection and a lot of fluid in my ears. And it hurts. My teeth, my head, my ears, my throat, my neck, my lungs, ugh. But, TOMORROW I will be with my family and my mama can take care of me!!!
I am on a good antibiotic and some good hydrocodone cough syrup (which did make for an interesting presentation in one of my classes today--I just went ahead and prefaced it with, "I'm on hydrocodone cough syrup right now, so bear with me." Got a laugh. It was good.), both of which should get me better sooner rather than later!
I am so so so ready for a break.
And guess what!?!?!?!? 30 days to graduation!!!!!!!!!

Wingate Slumber Party

2011-11-16T21:02:00.000-08:00

One week from tomorrow is Thanksgiving. For most of you it will be a pleasant, quiet family affair with stomachs overfilled with turkey, naps, football games, maybe the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. On the other hand, my family does it the crazy way. There will be 100+ of us, there will be barbecue, there will be little to no rest, etc. The interesting thing this year is that with the addition of members to the immediate family the sleeping arrangements get tricky (side note: only the immediate fam stays at the farm, everyone else comes and goes the day of). So, here's the officially official rooming situation: me, my sister and bro-in-law, and my brother and sis-in-law will all be in one room. Albeit only for 2 nights, we are having a Wingate kid slumber party (as my bro-in-law called it)! I can't decide who should be more put out, the couples or me??? But, no one is really put out at all and it will be yet another notch in the Thanksgiving Adventures tree.
We are hoping and praying that the moody septic tank holds out for us because it needs to "Dumpit to Crumpit" for 12 people for 4 days and 100+ for one day. Time to go call Johnny on the Spot.

A Not-So-Sabbathy Tuesday

2011-11-15T20:37:00.000-08:00

So, my forced relaxation referenced in the previous post was actually due to an awfully sore throat and tired body. I really and truly did enjoy my Monday Sabbath but it became a Not-so-Sabbathy Tuesday. That little cold became a monster around 3:45 this morning when I woke up to daggers in my throat and lots of chills. 2 cough drops, 2 advil, and 45 minutes later I slipped back into the land of unconsciousness. I awoke at 10:30---apparently I turned off my 8 am alarm and thus, missed my 9 o'clock class (not really so sad). I scrambled and made it to my 11 am physics class (not looking so hot), and got through it on 3 more cough drops, a jug of water and only some mild hacking! I made my way back home and returned to bed with a book and didn't get out until 5 pm with the book done. :) If only the entire day/afternoon hadn't been spent tearing off blankets and putting them back on and switching sides so either ear didn't get too pressurized. Currently I am studying for my midterm I have promptly at 9 o'clock in the morning (no sleeping in, here) and then I will push my body through my History of Country Music class (soo hard) and come back and collapse into bed for the rest of the day. Hallelujah for a chill rest-of-the-week!!!

And then it's Thanksgiving!
And then Graduation (in 36 days)!!!
And then Christmas!!!
And then bye-bye 2011 and HELLOOOOO 2012!!!!!

Monday Sabbath

2011-11-14T21:08:00.000-08:00

Clean room. Good book. Wonderful roommates. Only an hour spent in my second-to-last physics lab. Only 19 assignments and 37 days left in my college career. Hope. Joy and Laughter at the days to come. Peace. Pancakes for dinner. "I'll be Home for Christmas" and possibly a few tears of excitement and anticipation for that. Understanding of class material. Crazy professor being nice. No tv. Free kindle books from library.

It's been one of those days that revives the soul. A Sabbath. A day of focused quiet and peace. What was to be a normal, crazy Monday was captured by the Lord and turned into a Sabbath. A day of not striving, fixing, and pursuing but rather sitting, reading, being quiet and still, and experiencing the Lord's pursuit of my heart and mind. It was Heavenly!

Last Game at Death Valley as a Student

2011-11-10T21:18:00.000-08:00

Coming up on Saturday: The first of the major Lasts!!! :-) and :-(

I hope Clemson beats Wake! I KNOW it will be a fun day with many family and friends coming into town.

My apartment will be full with 3 of my former roommates and all my current roommates. I'm meeting the newest boyfriend of the clan, which I am thrilled about!!

I love Clemson, I've loved my time here, I've loved the people here, and I will love claiming my alumni status!!

6 weeks from today I will officially be an alumni!!! **But only 5 weeks 'til I am DONE!!!!**

Hope y'all have awesome weekend plans to come!! . . . And stay warm!!

He Provides

2011-11-08T12:42:00.000-08:00

Guess What?!?!?!?!?

I have great news!!!

It starts with "J" and ends with "ob."

No interview yet. In fact, I've been rolled to regular admissions--sadly. But at the same time I am super-duper excited about this job. I never thought I would be this excited about this "interim" job. The Lord provides indeed.

Woot woot!!!

Still here . . .

2011-11-07T19:48:00.000-08:00

I'm still sitting here. . . checking my email every five seconds with bated breath. . . hoping for an interview invite. . . waiting. . . praying. . . etc.

There are a few things I've realized throughout this "process" (i.e. waiting game):

First, I'm an impatient person. ~~My parents have~~ Everyone's been telling me this for years but I never knew how bad I was until now. EESH. When I make up my mind that I want something I'm pretty one-track minded about it (such a fault), and this has been no exception. I do believe the Lord has me exactly where He wants me.

Second, I want to be a PA very badly. I've realized that even if I have to go through this process 2, 3, maybe 4 more times. . . I will. I am called to do this. My gifts and abilities line up with this profession. I'm excited to serve people through this profession. And I will wait on the Lord's timing, even if it isn't just days or weeks.

Third, I will have a great 2012 even if I am not in Charleston and in PA school! Now, 2011 may have a crappy ending but I will make myself have fun working as a phlebotomist, taking trips, and enjoying a forced breather from school for once (I haven't had a summer off since I started college).

Finally, I'm realizing that it might be wise if I fill every minute of every day while I'm engaged and then again when I'm pregnant. If I'm not good at waiting on a grad school acceptance, I'm going to be really, really bad at waiting on a wedding day to arrive or a baby to finish cooking. EESH. Hallelujah that sanctification is a continuous thing!!

Wait for the Lord

2011-11-07T07:14:00.000-08:00

Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. . . "

I'm waiting. Waiting and being still in the Lord's plans and not my own.

Dinner

2011-11-03T16:58:00.000-07:00

Last night I made (with lots of help) an amazing dinner and we had friends over. I love entertaining. I love having people leave my house with full stomachs. I love hospitality. And I love just hanging out and enjoying time together.

So, here's my menu. You should try all these recipes--they're ALL amazing!
BBQ meatballs
Homemade Yeast Rolls (actually, it was the Texas Roadhouse recipe--Can you say good??)
Squash Casserole
Green beans
Giada's Parmesan Mashed Potatoes
Apple Pie (Courtesy of Mrs. Smith's)
Ice Cream (Courtesy of Breyer's)

The real hits were the rolls and the meatballs!! I used 5 lbs of ground beef to make those meatballs---SO much MEAT!! A complete COMFORT FOOD meal!! No doubt about it!!!

Desire

2011-10-31T14:22:00.000-07:00

I want that PA interview so much right now!!! And the Lord knows that, because I've told him that over and over. As the days draw nearer I become more and more me-focused: googling forums to see if anyone else is receiving notifications yet, already kindling sadness and frustration in my heart because "I'm sure I didn't get in." What am I doing??!?!
I don't deserve this gift of getting into PA school.
The Lord knows all that I am thinking and feeling.
He is a whole lot bigger than me or even the MUSC admissions committee.
He delights in my happiness.
He has called me thus far and if He shuts the door now He has a reason and He will provide.

I'm saying over and over, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

Rejoice in the Lord always. Rejoice in the Lord always. Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again. . .

Oh Lord hold me tightly now. I so fear failure. I so fear being jobless and futureless. I so fear rejection. I so fear waiting. I so fear being out of control of situations. But right now I am facing those fears big time. Be my strength, my comfort, my hope, my value, and my delight!! For you are all that is good, you are all that is joy, you are all that is peace and you are all that is goodness.
Father, it seems that you have lead me down this path and opened doors to get to this point. I do desperately want to get into PA school at MUSC this year but I do lay this down at your feet. Do your will for my life, Father.

Graduation. . . 52 DAYS!!!

2011-10-30T22:58:00.000-07:00

I graduate from college in 52 days!!! What?!? Merry Christmas to me!!!! : D

Temporary Job plans to come. . .
Grad School plans to come. . .
Location plans to come. . .
Apartment plans to come. . .
Stocked Kitchen drawers to come. . .

Can you tell I'm a little in limbo, here?!
Oh my.

Wedding Pictures!!!!

2011-10-23T20:01:00.000-07:00

Some of the pictures from my sister's wedding are up on Sara Parker Photography's Blog and they are SUPER!!! It's so fun to look back on that day now!!
I just love them all! Love the first look series, love the series of the family band that she wore, and will never live down the bus picture with everyone celebrating and me on the phone!! :)
Check them out: http://swparkerphotography.com/blog/?p=12533

New kicks

2011-10-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

I got new running shoes today and that makes me superbly and incredibly happy!!! I cannot wait to break them in with many, many miles of pavement-pounding, peace-provoking steps!!!!

Nike Women's Lunarglide 3--they are awesome!

Also I got a SECOND set of new kicks today--these are slightly more fancy!!

AND they are going to look awesome with my tan trousers, navy blazer, and a button down--perfect for interviews!!!!

So it's been a shoe-filled day here in Cola-town and I hope that you have all had an awesome day!!!

The Farms at Longleaf

2011-10-17T18:45:00.000-07:00

Check out this awesome opportunity to own a piece of the lowcountry and raise your kids in a family-friendly environment!!!

The Farms at Longleaf

Visit our website for more details

www.thefarmsatlongleaf.com

2011-10-12T16:50:00.001-07:00

. . . is Addicting.

That is all.

A post about something other than the wedding. . .

2011-10-03T07:39:00.000-07:00

The wedding is 4 days away. So, what else is going on in my life??

First, a little thing I like to call Senior-itis.

Also, the PA application is done and Saturday marked the final day for the early admission applications so hopefully I will have news of an interview within the month!

The Tigers are playing amazingly well this year (5-0 BABY!!)!! I lost a bet to a few of the players in my class because I told them Auburn would win (I still WANTED Clemson to win, just didn't think it would happen). So the win over Auburn resulted in a little cake-making.

Their request was for strawberry cake and it turned out amazingly well!! There were whole strawberries in the batter and then I iced it with a delicious cream cheese icing.


The finished product--yes, I had to carry this puppy across campus to class. But it was 3 layers of strawberry, tiger paw awesomeness.

Our landlord is selling our apartment, so at least twice a week for the past 3 weeks we've had Realtors in and out meaning that my room has had to stay clean. ugh! I heard once that planners/organized people need at least one space in their life that they just let go so they don't go crazy--for me, it's always been my room. I tell you what: keeping it clean has stressed me to the nth degree!! I don't know why it's so hard.

On that same note, one of the beloved Realtors affectionately calls himself the "Clemson Condo King." Can you say used car salesman personality??? Ugh. He's also the one that comes by most frequently and bursts your personal space bubble. Yikes.

I'm still recovering from that silly sinus infection. I can tell that given the slightest chance my body will relapse. I'm trying to prevent that from happening this week.

Finally, just to insert a little wedding news. The Bachelorette party was a SUCCESS!!! M loved it and I didn't take pics but friends did and I will hopefully get to post them soon. Highlights included: pedicabs, over-eager well wishers, yummy sushi, my first oyster shooter, sketchy Columbia nightlife, and a stack of "Dare to do it" Bachelorette party cards!
Also, I leave tomorrow for Charleston. Yes, I am skipping the majority of my classes this week, but it's necessary for the sake of my sanity as well as my mother's. Perhaps I'll post along the way, though.

Y'all have a good week!

T-minus One Week

2011-09-29T21:14:00.000-07:00

One week from today my sister will no longer be a miss. Weird to think about--really weird.

Tomorrow we have her Hen (i.e. Bachelorette--but the Brits say it better) party in downtown Columbia, then a weekend full of wedding ceremony and reception projects, then I head back up here for 2 days, and on Tuesday I head to Charleston for the festivities. It's going to be a crazy week!!

I have been mulling over my MOH toast and finding it a very hard thing to write. There's too much I want to say about my big sis. I love her so stinkin' much!!! She's so gracious, so loving, so forgiving, so humble, so generous, so funny, so faithful---she's just all-around amazing. Her fiance is the luckiest man in the world to have her. How do I condense all that love and affection and admiration into one, less-than-a-minute toast??

I've also been thinking about the days leading up to the wedding. Let's face it: I know I'll be emotional. Who wouldn't be?? My only sister is getting married!!! But how will I feel when M and I go to bed on Wednesday night--our last night sleeping together (we have our own rooms but usually when we're home we choose to sleep together)?? How will I feel when I'm helping her zip up that gorgeous dress?? How will I feel right before I walk down that aisle when I give her a squeeze?? How will I feel watching them drive away--now their own little family??

The answer to all those questions is, of course, "I don't know." All I know is that I am praying for grace to hold it together. I'm praying that the wave of emotions doesn't hit me until the day after so that, among other things, my mascara won't run (Waterproof? Check.).

There are many pics to come, I promise.

Death Warmed Over. . .

2011-09-22T16:28:00.000-07:00

That accurately describes how I am feeling right now. I have my first sinus infection and I have never felt more awful. My head hurts, my teeth hurt, my face hurts, my ears hurt, everything above the neck hurts pretty much. I can't smell or taste anything and I have to eat because of the antibiotic they put me on--it's truly impossible to find anything I want. All I have done for the past two and a half days is switch between the couch and my bed, dozing, watching movies, reading if my headache allows and trying not to go crazy.
Times like these I wish I were Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail so that I could get a bouquet of daisies from a man like Tom Hanks.

Also, I may have to miss the FSU game. Seeing as I can't even find the energy to get up and put in a load of laundry, I don't see how me standing in the student section screaming for 4 hours will work out. Funny thing: 2 years ago when FSU was in town I woke up with MRSA. I can tell you MRSA was a lot less painful and miserable than a sinus infection.

Job.

2011-09-14T07:32:00.000-07:00

I need a job. . . desperately. If any of y'all know of any places hiring around the Anderson, Clemson, Easley, Greenville, and Seneca areas PLEASE let me know!!! I would love to be doing something in or around healthcare sites--even if it's not clinical. Anything administrative or organizational would do the trick though. Or it would be fun to work retail in a cute boutique or work in a small business (I'm not really feeling the love for chains and nationally owned places currently). Maybe babysitting. Maybe wait staff at a nice restaurant. Maybe personal assistant. Maybe receptionist. Maybe anything. . .I'll take it.
I'm a hard-worker, fast-learner, good people skills, about to be proud owner of a BS type of girl!

Sorry I'm a lame blogger. . .

2011-09-12T20:38:00.000-07:00

I'm back from the gym, and the endorphins did me good. I'm awake now, and not the walking dead I was before. Sorry I've been so silent lately, friends. There's lots going on.
Between corralling reference writers for applications, being a Maid of Honor (now affectionately called "Slave of Honor"), making sure 100 students here get the tickets they want for football games, checking on jobs every now and then, and the 4 home football games in a row, life is pretty crazy.

Did I mention: there are 25 days until "The Wedding"???? I feel like it's all I talk about these days, and it's not even mine. I think I will be more chill with my own because I don't fear disappointing myself. But anyway, mom and I talk an average of 3-5 times per day, each time with a new update or decision to be made.

Can I tell you my dress drama?? I'm telling everyone these days because it is quite hilarious/ironic/irking. When I say "dress" I am talking about none other than "The Bridesmaid Dress" (i.e. bane of my existence these days). So, back in June the ladies at the dress shop measured me. Lady 1 pulled the measuring tape from around my waist, checks her book and names a highly outrageous size number that I won't even write on here. Lady 2 says "No, that can't be right" after glancing my way and I feel a wave of relief rush over me. "Thank Goodness someone doesn't think I'm an elephant" was running through my head when she names a size one lower than that. REALLY?!? So I let it go (Big Mistake).
Skip to last Saturday when Mom brings the dress up and I try it on. . .YIKES. I think I was wearing 2 dresses. "Uh, I think the dress is beautiful" is what I said. I wanted to cry. Come Tuesday I go to a little alterations shop in Pendleton, SC to get it altered. You know it's bad when the lady does a double-take when you come out of the dressing room and says, "Well, gosh." That's it. Those were her words. And thus begins the pinning. She pulls in one side and then the other. Still too loose. Repeat 3 times. Finally when I feel as snug as a bug in a rug and can't put my arms by my side because there is so much fabric clumped at the sides of the dress, she smiles, looks in the mirror, and says, "Now aren't we looking better!!" I think my smile covered my entire face at that moment. I don't think my smile was quite as big when I discovered that the dress ~~alterations~~ re-making will cost me $56 dollars (in all fairness, they are re-making the thing).

So, I go to pick it up on Friday and I hope it's perfect. I'm quite excited about the fact that it has pockets and crinoline and we are going to be wearing gold, sparkly shoes with it!! It's every little girl's dream outfit, there's no denying that!!!

P.S. Mid-post writing I got a call: the engagement shoot is up on the photographer's website!! So, in case you haven't heard enough about my sister's wedding, check the pictures out here.

Eyes, Stay Open.

2011-09-12T17:06:00.000-07:00

The first round of tests has arrived. But, good news: It's the last first round of tests I will ever see in Undergrad!! Crazy. So, for now, I am going to urge my sleep-deprived body to get up off this couch and go to good old Fike. Then to bed, to bed goes my sleepy little head.

Continued Chronic Fatigue Chronicles

2011-09-02T08:05:00.000-07:00

Nice alliteration, huh?? haha

If I'm honest, I was freaking out about coming back to school with the Chronic fatigue diagnosis. Partly because I was worried that nothing would be different (i.e. a nap a day, no energy for hanging out with friends, etc), and partly because I worried that I would discover that I'm simply a crappy student and a change in energy level wouldn't help that. But thankfully, it is DIFFERENT than previous years.

Do I still feel the 4 o' clock slump and require caffeine? Oh yes. Do I yawn? Yes. Do I still take naps? Yes--2 since I've been here but they were less than an hour each (and brought my total sleep for the day to about 8 hours. . . a vast improvement from 14). Am I productive every second of every day? No. Do I love life?? Heck yes!

I'm not superhuman all of the sudden but there's no denying that life is different---way different. I'm a good student, I love to learn! The day-to-day school experience has drastically changed. It's fun to go to classes now that I don't feel like I have dragged my body there. What else has changed?? Well, I'm running daily now (and loving it)!!! When it gets hard and my muscles are aching and my lungs are hurting, I have to smile because it "hurts so good"!! There is so much more time for laughs with roommates, joining small groups, long-distance communication, studying, spur-the-moment adventures, etc. I'm literally reveling in life--it is fun and there is so much to stay awake for!!

Owning someone's heart

2011-08-31T15:31:00.000-07:00

I'm reading Faithful God by Sinclair Ferguson. It's an exposition of the book of Ruth and boy is it convicting!!! A lot of the book focuses on how Christ-like Boaz was. Sinclair quotes Temple Gairdner, a missionary to Egypt, as an insight into Boaz's spirit--this is blow-your-head-off-good stuff. Gairdner wrote this on his wedding day:
That I may come near to her, draw me nearer to Thee than to her;
that I may know her, make me to know Thee more than her;
that I may love her with the perfect love of a perfectly whole heart,
cause me to love Thee more than her and most of all.
Amen. Amen.

He also penned these words earlier in his life in a journal:
Prayed definitely that I may be a man and have a heart one day pure and noble enough to be owned by and to own a woman's heart.

My Heavens!!! The paragraph above is what I've been praying for my relationship with my future husband except said in a much more eloquent manner. The journal entry is just what I pray my husband is praying right now.
For myself, I'm praying that I may have a heart one day pure and meek enough to be owned by and to own a man's heart.

The Trip

2011-08-26T18:06:00.000-07:00

Beginning of the first trail--Lebanon, NH

Mama

Mr. Spider

Daddy and I . . . don't you just love the reflective ankle bands. . . my pants caught in the gears

So Northeastern

"Granite Alley"

Cows, farmhouse, barn, and parents

Train station turned community storage room

The 'rents in the Nitro we affectionately called "Squarebob Spongepants"

2nd trail--St. Albans, VT

Mapping it out

WET! And at mile 12.5--I had on 4 layers and we'd biked over an hour (C.O.L.D.)

Daddy and I in front of "Corn Alley"

Comfort Inn in Barre, VT

These poor people thought it was summer so they dressed their bears for the beach--little do they know that 60 degrees doesn't count for summer at all!!!

Cabot Cheese--Cabot, VT

Goodrich Maple Farm--Cabot, VT

All those "scars" are from tapping the tree for sap--the one Dad is pointing to was probably created around 1850

Pemigewasset River in Fraconia Notch State Park in NH--First time we saw the sun!!!

The Flume at Franconia Notch--BEAUTIFUL!!

Me in front of Mt. Liberty, Mt. Flume, and Mt. Osseo (L to R)

TO BE CONTINUED. . .

The Birth of a Wedding Program

2011-08-25T20:51:00.000-07:00

Did I tell you that I am making the program for my sister's wedding?? I am, and I still don't know how I landed this little monster of a task!

Tonight, my mom and I must have emailed it back and forth at least 10 times: I would do something, she would approve or disapprove, and it would be emailed back. We have so many different versions we are now saving them with an explanation of the corrections, the date AND the time listed in the file name. Oh Heavens, help me!!!

Besides checking on spelling of two middle names and the minister giving us a scripture reference to put in, I think the program is pretty much ready to send to the printer--HALLELUJAH!! Who knows how many hours I have spent on this puppy so far!

Here's a sketch of the chapel that will be included in the program:

What a joy to watch my sister get married in this place!!!!

A quick update

2011-08-23T20:40:00.000-07:00

Friends,
I have to go to bed because 9:05 is fast-approaching, and with it HLTH 490. BUT, guess what I did today?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

1) SUBMITTED MY PA SCHOOL APP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2) APPLIED FOR GRADUATION FROM CLEMSON!!!!!!!

Notice I'm way more excited about the first!
I wasn't going to share my app completion with y'all because I am super-scared I won't get in BUT in the interest of full disclosure should any PA hopefuls run across this blog, and because I told y'all I was working on it, I did share this news. PLUS, I could just scream if from the mountaintops!
I feel like it's a huge step in life--first grad school application! CRAZY!! I'll keep y'all updated but I'm not hoping to hear anything before early November. MUSC doesn't do interviews until November and they continue through December.
I'm excited! I'm ready to take the next path the Lord has for me!! Pray for me that I wouldn't rest in my version of the Lord's plans for me, but that I would rest in Him alone!!!!!!

There's a New Man in my Life!!

2011-08-22T19:11:00.000-07:00

While in Vermont I fell in love. My new love is tall, dark, and handsome. He is solid and sweet. Pretty much all the things I look for in a man. I could just eat him up!!! Meet Lenny.

My hunk of burnin' love is a mere 1,700 lbs and solid to core (with milk chocolate)!

Now that you are all updated on my love life. I will catch you up on my travels later!!

Leavin' on a jet plane. . .

2011-08-13T15:46:00.001-07:00

Bye Bye Blogging Buddies!!!
Talk to you next week when my calves are super-toned and my belly is full of lobster!!!

Sorry to waste your time.

2011-08-13T09:07:00.000-07:00

Sorry for those of you who watched that physical activity video. . . it was a school project. I had uploaded the wrong type of file to our submission site for the class. So after trying 4 different file converters, I had to upload it somewhere and youtube wouldn't do it and neither would FB so the blog was the next option. And I sent my professor the link to my blog. . . embarassing. But it got the job done. SO I hope you didn't waste 5 minutes of your life watching that, and I'm sorry if you did!

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow!

2011-08-11T17:05:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the last time I will be in Charleston before my sister's wedding! (SCARY!) We're meeting with the caterer (and she said to come hungry. . . um, that's exciting), the flower supplier to put in the order for all our flowers, and, the most exciting part, THE HAIRDRESSER!!! woo hoo! I just love getting my hair done for special occasions and it's even more fun when you've never been to the person before so they have to do a dry-run and then you get to walk around all day with "special hair." I mean, it's the little things in life. . .

Anyway, this is the look I'm going for! I wanted mostly down but out of my face, and I wanted something that could look windblown but not get completely destroyed since the reception promises to be windy. Plus, it will be nice to not fight the curls. . . just let 'em go!!

And, these are the dresses that we will be wearing! Ours are "vintage bronze" and we will remove that flowery, hanging thing and place a green sash of the same fabric over the cumerbund sort-of area.

. . . AND THEY HAVE POCKETS!!!!!

If God Already Knows, Why Pray?

2011-08-08T08:21:00.000-07:00

This is the excerpt from If God Already Knows, Why Pray? that I mentioned in my last post. I just love the way Doug Kelly writes it, so I thought I'd give y'all the story straight from the horse's mouth! This is from the introduction to the book:

Prayer changes the world: it makes good thins happen because it gets God's will done and thus brings down His best blessings. This is the message of the Old and New Testaments, as well as the experiences of God's people throughout the ages. The God of the Scriptures has great blessings stored up for His people, but He has so planned it that those blessings can only be released by the prayers of His people.
The power of prayer to change things by bringing into one's life good things (which are later seen to have been part of the eternal plan of God) is illustrated in a rather unusual romance. In 1970 an American postgraduate student from the southern states was captivated by the beauty, intelligence, and faith of an English girl who was studying, as he was, at the University of Edinburgh.
Instead of asking the attractive girl out on dates, the rather quiet Southern boy started praying hard that the Lord would prepare the girl to marry him! He prayed constantly for two years, at times beginning to wonder if he were trying to force the Lord into something that perhaps only he, rather than the Lord, wanted. And all during this time the girl showed few, if any, signs of interest--or even disinterest! Yet the lad prayed on, and one day popped the question, which to his delight was answered with a definite yes.
But had he actually forced the Lord's hand? As the years passed and children were born and the parents engaged in Christian ministry, there was more and more evidence--in small as well as large ways--that they were truly meant for each other; that they made a team intellectually, spiritually, culturally, as well as physically and family-wise. Only God could have brought them together.
Therefore, the student's two years of constant praying, instead of getting God to do something He was hesitant to do, actually released the blessings of a partnership the Lord had planned from eternity. God made the plan and then used the prayers to bring His plan into happy execution.

What a testimony. . . and that's just part of the Introduction! Read the book--it's convicting and encouraging. Your view of your prayer life will be changed.

The Power of Prayer

2011-08-06T21:21:00.000-07:00

We had a pastor-friend stay with us over the weekend. He has written several books and is a brilliant, kind, loving man. In one of his books (If God Already Knows, Why Pray?), he describes the way he and his wife met and fell in love and it is such a powerful example of prayer moving mountains!
For one of his many degrees he attended the University of Edinborough in Scotland. At the beginning of his time there he was drawn to a woman who was superb in every way, but he was so sure that she would turn down a boy from Dillon, SC that he didn't ever talk to her. So, for two years, he watched her and prayed that the Lord would make her his one day. After two years, he approached her one day and popped the question, I'm talking "Will you Marry Me?"--out of the blue!!! And she said YES! It doesn't go into all the details in the book but I'm sure the Lord did some serious work in her heart! Now, decades later, they are very much in love, traveling the world, and doing great things for the kingdom!
Y'all, prayer is powerful!! The Lord is showing me the powers of the prayers of his people. We have a burden to pray for the nation, for our communities, for revival, for friends and family, for our future, for an increase in the knowledge of Him, and for so many other things!! My mom once told me that our prayers are like water behind a dam, and the "water" continues to build up behind the dam until it eventually breaks, pouring out the Lord's blessings on us. Perhaps, it takes two years for that dam to break, maybe only a week or two, and possibly, we don't perceive that dam breaking on our heads. But the Lord has promised that our prayers are heard and he will answer in accordance with His will and good purposes. Hallelujah! What a Savior!
Hope that you have a fabulous Sabbath tomorrow! Oh, and you should check out Doug Kelly's books, especially If God Already Knows, Why Pray?

Here are some great excerpts from the book:
pg 26--"At last, here is the answer to the question: what is God like? This is what the triune God is like: life, light, and love. That is the secret to this universe and the key to understanding everything that exists."
pg 63--"In the prayers of His people, as everywhere else, our God has the initiative. This is very encouraging if we grasp what it means! Effective prayers start in Heaven and are sent down to us by God Himself."

JSYK. . .

2011-08-02T20:54:00.000-07:00

. . . 141 days until I graduate from Clemson!! WHAT?!?!? Time has flown!

I promise I won't update this countdown again until there are less than 100 days left. After that, I make no promises! : D

Legit.

2011-08-02T16:48:00.000-07:00

I'm a legit phlebotomist now! Albeit, one without a job. . . But, legit nonetheless!!

I applied to 2 more jobs today, so we'll see how those go! Exciting stuff!

As soon as the wedding's over. . .

2011-08-01T16:32:00.000-07:00

. . . I'm making this little slice of heaven! For now, I'm going to pound the pavement. . .

PS: Happy August! It came so fast!

Wedding Planning Update

2011-07-28T21:50:00.000-07:00

I'm now a wedding planner. I'm planning my sister's wedding and dinner reception for approx 215 people, along with my mother, of course.

So here's where we are in the process:
Caterer? Check. Tasting is done and boy is it yummy, esp. those sweet potato biscuits!
Cake? Check. And freakishly delicious!!
Ceremony Venue? Check. Beautiful and filled with meaning for my g'parents, which is one of the best parts.
Reception venue? Check. Also filled with meaning for my g'parents and the entire fam, as it is in their yard!!
Rentals? Check. Tent, chairs, tables, linens, silverware, plates, glasses --SO many details, yikes-a-be!
DJ? As of tonight, Check!! Excited to have Paul from Upstate Swing (he taught my sister swing at Clemson)
Flowers? Getting there. Do you know how many green and white flowers there are? I do!
Favors? An apple dipped in chocolate, already tasted, and it's de-li-cious!
Seating chart? We're using oysters!!!! I won't tell how now but after the fact there sure will be pics!!
Save-the-dates? Signed, sealed, delivered!!
Invitations? They're in! But now we have to address them . . . yikes-a-be (all-over again)!
Programs? I'm working on it. . . we should probably choose the music first, though.
Music? Organist: hired. Songs chosen: no way jose--we need to work on that.
Minister? Check.
Bridesmaid dresses? Ordered!
Groom/Groomsmen suits? Ordered!
Bridal Gown? Ordered!! And y'all: she's going to look B-E-A-U-TIFUL!!!!

It's the things like the marriage license that need to be remembered (which by the way needs to be applied for), everything else is just extra "icing."

So, I'm learning a lot and staying busy this summer! You know, some people may say this is all fluff but my sister and her fiance really desperately want to celebrate the Lord at their ceremony and then celebrate their union at the reception as well as the people that have surrounded, loved, and prayed for them throughout their lives! What a joyful day it will be!! And I can't wait to sit back and celebrate them and dance the night away beneath the stars and the light of the lanterns hanging in the oak trees. Oh, it's going to be beautiful!

Happy things!

2011-07-27T20:23:00.000-07:00

There's so much fun to be had in the next few days, weeks, and months!!!
- This weekend a good friend is getting married and I'm looking forward to wearing a brand new dress (that I got from J. Crew for a fifth of the original price) and dancing up a storm.
- Next week I am done with phlebotomy and will be officially certified to work. And my sister has a wedding shower!
- The next week I take a trip to Clemson to drop off a load of furniture/clothes/all-manner-of-stuff
- The next week I'm going to Maine, New Hampshire, AND Vermont! And will be eating lobster (something I have NEVER done before), biking a lot, and going sailing!!!
- Then I have two weeks of simply school (and hopefully work, too).
-Then 4 straight weekends of Clemson football in Death Valley!
-Then my sister's bachelorette weekend!!
-THEN MY SISTER GETS MARRIED!!!

So there's my life through October 7th! It's going to be fun, busy, and quite the adventure!!!

I was just thinking about Christmas the other day and how different it will be this year--B and J are with her parents this year, M and D will probably split time between the two sets since their parents live so close together, and I will be the only Wingate at home for the entire thing. I wonder how I will feel about it then, I wonder what will have happened in my life by then. I know I will be done with college and I may know if I'm into grad school or not. Hopefully I will have worked in the hospital for a few months by then and will have gained a lot of experience, how will that affect me? These are the things I wonder. If the months following October 7th are as busy and dynamic as the weeks leading up to that weekend will be, I am in for a wild ride. Who knows what changes will have occurred in my life by the end of December! It's a little scary, I'm not going to lie.
A part of me is laughing at the future and dying to know what's ahead, but the tiny, scared part of me is wanting to hold on tightly to the here and now. This semester will be one of major transition, there's no doubting that. Most days I will be blissfully unaware of the changes occurring and then they will sneak up on me like they have tonight. But that's good too, I would hate to feel like I was in transition every minute of every day!!

Stitches

2011-07-25T20:43:00.000-07:00

Did I tell you I had gum surgery??? . . . Probably did. Well, tonight, after a week and a half of stitches in the roof of my mouth I got completely and utterly tired of them, they were becoming sore and painful because sharp food would hit them and poke the ends of the knots into the roof of my mouth! So, what did I do? I got a compact, tweezers, some sort of ~~unsanitary~~ small scissors, and a scaler for teeth and went at them sitting on the bathroom counter with my face 2 inches from the mirror and somehow managing to use the compact mirror as a dental mirror. It was fun. And I got all 6 out. And I'm proud. My first stitches removal--done on myself, with only two hands and completely improper instruments. The negative of doing it on yourself: even the slightest twinge and your hands start shaking and when you are working backwards in two mirrors near a surgical sight that's not so great. But, the results: no bleeding, no puncture wounds from scissors and best of all--NO stitches!!! I am not sure the doctor will be thrilled later this week when I've done his job but. . . what can I say? I will NOT be attacking the stitches at the graft sight, don't worry. Plus, the stitches there are supposed to dissolve so hopefully no one will have to take them out.
So, if you need stitches removed, I'm your girl. Better yet: wait 3 years and you can pay me to take them out!

Beautiful Music

2011-07-21T20:20:00.000-07:00

"Rolling in the Deep" has been my song over the past few months. . .but I can relate to these moments, too. She's my new favorite artist though--she's so fun to watch, you can see her mind working when she's on a stage, and she's oh-so-fabulously British!

P.S. The ads that end up with this video crack me up. . .oh, advertisers!

Fun Adventure Ahead!!

2011-07-20T11:17:00.000-07:00

In mid-August, my parents and I (the other members of the fam are unavailable) will be flying to Maine and traveling through Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont for a week. We will be renting bikes and an SUV and doing 6 rails-to-trails bike trails in the various states that are about 20-25 miles each. I am so looking forward to it! I've always wanted to see Maine and at least one of the trails we are doing is along the coast, so it should be gorgeous!! I am hoping to eat my first lobster and go sailing while I'm up there, too. But I'm sure you'll be hearing more about this later and seeing pics, too. . .
If you or your family has any inclination to biking, you should find a rails-to-trails path and make a day of it. The paths are places that have been converted to bike trails from train tracks, so there is very little traffic and, because the railroad tracks could only withstand small grades, there are little to no hills. There are 22 of them in SC alone: Charleston, Greenville, Edgefield, Spartanburg, etc.

You know, I was just thinking. . .

2011-07-19T21:55:00.000-07:00

As a maturing human, I am beginning to see the gravity of life and many of the burdens that are yet to come, while as a maturing Christian I am beginning to taste the depths of joy that I never knew existed--joy so strong you just feel like you have to go out and pull a Sound of Music (you know, find some grassy hill and run up it singing with your arms wide open--with no breathy notes, of course).
When I get to Heaven I may remember the sorrowful, heavy moments, but I think those feelings will be overshadowed with such joy that I drew closer to Jesus because of them that I will have nothing to do but LITERALLY pull a Sound of Music and sing to the Father my love, my adoration, and my overwhelming joy!!

"My cup runneth over. . . "

Jesus I am Resting

2011-07-11T21:39:00.000-07:00

Today I was overcome with thoughts of what I did in a situation and what I could have done instead. My behavior definitely affected the rest of my life story. I was overcome with sadness, just a deep longing to go back in time and do things differently. Why did I act like that? Why did I say those things? Why did the person react that way? Could I do anything right now to change the outcome? If I had acted differently would that have changed anything anyway?
I was listening to my Ipod while driving as these thoughts pervaded my mind and "My Father's World" came on and I was struck by how much my life and history and future are in the Father's hands. He has set my path ahead of me, he knows my future and nothing I can do and no way I can act can screw that up. What a blessing! What a comfort! What a joy! The Lord has plans for me, and in all things he will work to draw me closer to him.
Interestingly, one of the next few songs was "Back in June" by Matt Wertz. One line says, "I can't change the ending, And I don't want to change your mind. I've learned lessons in the mending, And I've made it through just fine." And that's true. I can't change the outcome and it was hard for a while, but I've made it through, not only fine, but better. The Lord had this in his plans for me, it's drawn me to him, and I'm resting in his leadership and plan for my life.

Happy 4th!

2011-07-04T19:30:00.000-07:00

Happy, happy Independence Day!!
The fireworks are popping outside and I'm inside watching the Tour de France! I hope that each of you have had a brilliant day with many festivities with family and friends! What a blessing our liberty is. I am so grateful for the courageous faith of many of our founding fathers. Though America as a whole has fallen away from the faith, I am so grateful for the freedom to worship openly. Pray for our leaders, especially our president. Pray that the Lord brings our nation to a knowledge and understanding of Himself.

Catching some ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzs

2011-07-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

Wednesday is my sleep study, by Thursday morning I should know if I have sleep apnea. I honestly want to hear that I do have sleep apnea. I don't want to go on living my life sleeping 14 hours of it a day away. I love life. I hate that I get tired headaches all the time, that my head feels heavy as lead, and the my legs just feel too heavy to lift going up the stairs. I used to do an hour of cardio a day and lift weights 3 times a week. Night before last, I WALKED on the treadmill for 40 minutes and had to stop because I was so tired--I wasn't out of breath, I was barely sweating, but I just couldn't go on. I'm eating 2 meals a day because I sleep so much that I don't need the normal 3. I forget words that are easy and every day. I wonder if my relationship didn't work out because of this. I remember going through our days together and him listing off a thousand things he did that were productive and furthered the Kingdom, and there I sat trying to make my nap and studying sound interesting. It is really hard to make napping sound interesting over Skype (haha). I keep reminding myself that that was just not who the Lord had for me and I've come to the point where I don't desire that anymore, but it does frustrate me to think that a condition with a simple fix like a CPAP could have caused me to kill my relationships/make fewer solid relationships in college. I started the application to PA school and wondered how I let my life go like this--I don't have experience hours, I don't have good references, and my gpa is not the greatest. Why did I not bulldog this sooner? Why did I think it was normal to get tested for mono 3 times in a year and a half time span?

I keep reading about the rates of sleep apnea in cleft palate patients and getting the same answer. You see, there are two reconstruction techniques. The one I had is called the pharyngeal flap procedure where they basically take a flap from the upper pharynx to close the cleft (from what I gather. . . ), and in all the studies there are higher incidences of sleep apnea and "sleep disturbances" postoperatively with this technique. On the other hand, the other technique has a higher incidence of nasally-sounding speech. I can't decide if I'd rather sleep a lot or talk nasally. :) Anyway, that's beside the point. Either way, the reconstructive surgery is done, whether I like it or not. My body physiology is screwed up, whether I like it or not. And, I am going to bulldog some sort of diagnosis for myself, whether the doctors like it or not.

And on that note: I'm going to bed.

I've only slept 12 hours today so I'm lacking. :) I kid. But really. . .

Happy 30th Anniversary Mom and Dad!

2011-06-26T09:26:00.000-07:00

They are awesome! Their marriage and their love is such an example! I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for our future as a family! And here they are at prom when they were about 15 or 16! Love y'all so so very much!!!!

The theme of their prom was "We've Only Just Begun". . . Appropriate!

The Desires of My Heart

2011-06-22T18:14:00.000-07:00

Two months ago I had a very, very different picture in my mind for the way I wanted both my summer and my future to go. And it has seemed like nothing has gone my way yet, according to that plan. HOWEVER, this summer has been much better than I ever thought it would go!! The Lord has NOT given me the desires of my heart, and for that I am eternally grateful!!!
I am in shock and awe at the way the Lord cares for me and loves me and desires all things to work best for my spiritual good!! And He has provided abundantly for my soul!!!

One Step Closer

2011-06-19T21:03:00.000-07:00

I am DONE with the GRE (Lord willing!)!!!!!! I did well enough and I hope that it does the trick :) So, that makes one step closer to PA school! Someone at church tonight mentioned the fact that in 3 years I would be going to Uganda with them and seeing my own patients!! WHOADA! That floored me---I couldn't be more excited!
Tonight I was doing a little more research on Sleep Apnea and came across this article. In the article the surgeon said this:

"One area that is relatively new is the role of sleep apnea in these patients, which develops in about 50% to 60%. As kids with cleft lip and palate get a little older and midface scarring occurs, the midface might not grow as much, increasing the risk for sleep apnea. Basically, you need to have an increased suspicion for symptoms of sleep apnea in children with cleft lip and palate. Affected children are best served by a multidisciplinary team with a sleep specialist who can do sleep studies and provide treatment for apnea as children get older."

How I got this far along and haven't been warned about sleep apnea before, I am not sure! I am so thankful to be arriving at what seems like an answer. . .I can't wait for July 6th!

Tourniquet Tying Practice

2011-06-16T20:32:00.000-07:00

I stuck my first dummy arm today and got blood on the first try!! It was super exciting. But, unfortunately, Mr. Dummy has a whopper vein sitting right there in front of you. I know that the trick to all this is going to be doing it by feel and not by sight, because the majority of veins I'm sticking I won't be able to see. So, I got home and began thinking of ways to make a tourniquet so that I could start palpating people's veins. I realized you could buy them but just haven't gotten around to it. So, tonight while watching TV, I decided to be productive and practice tying tourniquets. As usual, I got creative.

Step 1: get rubber band and cut it, Step 2: get favorite baby doll that has been chilling in the top of your closet for the past 10 years, Step 3: practice, practice, practice. Annnnnndddd, VOILA:

Notice the lovely "tourniquet" on her left arm

Tomorrow, I start on the family. Oh, after I take the GRE of course. . .eek. Pray for me!

Peelage and Medicine Love

2011-06-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

My face is peeling. My mother looks at me and rolls her eyes and shakes her head. She informed me of the fact that every day 1 person is diagnosed with melanoma (. . . or maybe it was every hour??). As you can see it made a big impact on me. : /
Anyway, today I had phlebotomy class. . .super-duper fun! I L-O-V-E medicine! We are doing our first venipuncture on the dummies Thursday and then next week we start on each other. . .eek (only 2 weeks in!!). And I got to wear my sweet kicks, which made the day even better.

My 'Roos!!!

I then came home to take an hour nap and what do ya know. . . woke up 3 and a half hours later despite setting an alarm. Oh the joys of having sleep issues! Fortunately, I have a sleep study on July 6th, so we will soon know what's up. PTL!
I was praying last night and it was put on my heart to pray for a sincere longing for the New Jerusalem--to long for a time when we will live in perfect communion with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. What a joy that will be! But, what I have been contemplating is this: what does that longing look like in every-day life? After thinking today over, I felt as though I major-league failed in my longing today. How was I longing for the New Jerusalem when I snapped at my mother because things weren't going my way today? How was I longing for the New Jerusalem when I slept for 3 and 1/2 hours? But then I realized, perhaps those things create that longing. Unfortunately, our sins and shortcomings as humans will constantly plague us in this world, but the Lord uses them to draw us closer to Him and to create a longing for His desires to be fulfilled and His glory to be made known over all the earth!

"The heavens proclaim his righteousness, and all the peoples see his glory. . . .Light is sown for the righteous, and joy for the upright in heart. Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous, and give thanks to his holy name!" Psalm 97: 6,11-12

Life, as of late.

2011-06-12T21:06:00.000-07:00

I've decided I love the sun, the summer, the heat, the water, the buzz of cicadas, and all things to do with a southern summer. I can't get enough outdoors this summer! It all started with kayaking the Weeki Wachee and then Pawley's Island, then on to a week of working with middle schoolers cleaning a yard and then going to Carowinds (where I road The Intimidator. . . eek) and then this past weekend was spent in the sun on Edisto Island!! And goodness, it was great.

But before that I got the opportunity to help out with the In-City Mission for Middle Schoolers at my church! And, news flash: Catharine, LIKES middle schoolers! These kids were fabulous! I mean, how many middle schoolers do you know that would take 4 days out of their summer to clean up a person's ~~yard~~ jungle?? They were sweet and loving and had some funny things to say. On Friday we took a group of 56 middle- and high-schoolers to Carowinds and that was a blast as well (although a wee bit hot)! My favorite comment of the week was from one of my sweet girls and it went something like this: "Boys are just bodies with heads filled with air!" I didn't quite know how to respond, so I settled for, "Some of them may seem that way but most of them are pretty great."

The challenge for me was having spiritual conversations with these kids. I so wanted them to like me and I came in after the other leaders so I never was really introduced to most of them and I didn't know how much the kids would tolerate as far as questions went. So, I think I probably said too little. The worse that could've happened would have been for them to brush me off. So, I pray that I get another opportunity with these kids, and in the meantime, I'm praying for them. Some of them are going through things no kid should ever have to face and they are still brilliantly optimistic, loving, and caring. They convicted me and I want to get to know them better and invest further into their lives!!

Oh, I never posted the rest of the manatee pics, so here you go (to see previous pics of Weeki Wachee click here):

Baby manatee

Me petting him!!!!!

The Good Life

2011-05-31T11:19:00.000-07:00

The beach is good for the soul!! It's beautiful here and I have enjoyed doing GRE flashcards, reading, sleeping, laying out, playing in the surf, biking, and walking. Not to mention tons of time with my absolutely fabulous family!! I am so grateful for all these wonderful blessing and this relaxing time when we all get to recharge our batteries! It has been a blast!

Miriam and David: the soon-to-be-wed

David and Me: Intensity

A little volley action

Empty Hallelujahs and Unconditional Joy

2011-05-26T12:34:00.000-07:00

Honestly, this has been the crappiest summer of my life to date. The hour after my final exam, my boyfriend broke up with me. That was the high point. I've done a lot of thinking and questioning and wondering what-ifs. But today I stumbled upon something. I was listening to "Keep My Heart Alive" by Sanctus Real, and at one point in the song he sings, "Take these empty Hallelujahs. Fill my lungs again 'cause I wanna sing, And I wanna mean it. I wanna feel again." That describes this past month. As everything has gone wrong, as my summer and my future has crumbled around me, I have been singing Empty Hallelujahs. I know the Lord is good. I know He loves me beyond what I can imagine. I know I love Him. I know He is to be praised. But I want to FEEL it. I want to get back the passion. I take joy from the things around me way too much, the things that are happening to me. But y'all, the Lord has saved me, how can I not have unconditional joy?? My prayer is that the Lord grows my mustard seed joy!!

Revolutionary

2011-05-24T19:00:00.000-07:00

Revolutionary things are happening in my life. One of them is a new diagnosis. First off, let me say: I have the WEIRDEST things happen to me!! (ahem, MRSA and Cysts)
BUT (drumroll please) I may have sleep apnea. For months/year(s) I have been sluggish, tired all. the. time., and known by my roommates as "The Napper." Throughout the past 2 years I have been tested for mono 3 times--all negative. I am the only person I know who can sleep 10 hours and take a 2 hour nap and be ready for bed by 10 the next night. I am literally sleeping my life away, because I cannot function without it. This past semester this tiredness culminated in a severe lack of attack in the school area, I would come home from class, take a nap, get up to study, and be nodding off as I sat there studying. It was frustrating and I have gotten to the point where I don't think I can get through PA school or be a functional person if something doesn't change.
Last Friday morning I got up for a 9:30 appointment, went to it, came home, and got back in bed because I was so tired. I slept an additional 3 hours and woke up around 1, adding that to my already robust 8.5 hours of sleep. When my mom came in, frustrated by the fact that my behind was back in bed and not helping her, and I said I just kept waking up every hour and going back to bed during the night, she realized it is possible that I have sleep apnea! When I woke from my slumber/coma she told me her hypothesis and I did what I always do--Googled it. First result, first sentence: "50-60% of children with repaired cleft palates will develop sleep apnea." My jaw dropped. Why had we never been told that sleep apnea is common in cleft palates and that we should watch for signs of it??? So, on Monday I went to my doctor. She said it could be possible but she'd like to test my thyroid first, due to my history of hypothyroidism. Got the tests back today: normal. Hmmm. So now I am scheduled for a sleep study and I am hoping and praying that that is the answer and that we can do something about it quickly so that I can get back to my life.

News

2011-05-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

Haven't posted in a while because. . .MY SISTER GOT ENGAGED!! I am so excited for her and her man! I love them both so much and can't wait to see them joined for life! Now I just have to start working on my MOH toast. . . yikes.

Weeki Wachee Days 1 and 2

2011-05-16T14:19:00.000-07:00

I'll let the pictures do the talking on this one!
We met our lovely friends, Pam and David down in Hernando County Florida for a 4 day mini-vacation. We kayaked, conversed, and ate good food!
The first day we made the 7 hour trip and got there about 5 in time for dinner and getting settled in our VRBO house.
The second day we took on the Weeki Wachee River, we oohed and aahed over the clear blue water but didn't see a single manatee. It was fun despite the lack of sea friends and we even stopped and swam in the middle of the river.

No offense to any Hernando County, Florida residents BUT it is not the most progressive place in the world! I saw more double-wide trailers, more leathery old men with nipple rings, more tattoos, and more overweight, bikini-clad women than I have in. my. life. I wouldn't recommend it to those looking for a beautiful built environment and high-society socializing.
On that note, we went to the only one of 2 restaurants within a few miles of the house we rented and it was the Bayport Inn Restaurant. We were the only people not smoking and my favorite character there was a lady with a mullet, cut off mustard-yellow belly shirt, gym shirts pulled above her belly button, and a phone clipped onto her hip, along with a huge bunch of happy meal key chains clipped onto her fanny pack purse. I WISH I had taken a picture! But this is us outside the inn.

More to come tomorrow!

I saw one, I saw one!!!

2011-05-15T18:42:00.001-07:00

I saw a manatee!!!!!! Actually 23! Pics and stories to come later. Trying to pull life back together for now.

I. Need. A. Job.

2011-05-10T16:09:00.000-07:00

I need a job. Desperately. Even the Free Clinic can't use me for another 2 weeks and then who knows how often they can use me after that. BAH!

With the ability to take any and all vitals, perform finger sticks, operate a Cholestech machine, perform CPR or use an AED, and provide First Aid to anyone, you'd think someone could use me. Nope.

Trials and Tribulations of Applying to PA School

2011-05-09T21:18:00.000-07:00

So, I am successfully through my second-to-last exam week. WHEW!! What a relief. Not only am I through, but I also have the grades in hand and they aren't as bad as expected (The Lord was merciful)!
On to the next thing: PA School Application. (Insert scary music here)
First, I am paralyzed by the fear of failure (i.e. not getting in). This is not the right attitude, at all. Jesus has called me to this and I need to trust Him to do His will.
Second, if anyone out there says getting experience hours is easy, They LIE. It's not. When you are like me (pushing to get through college quickly and taking summer school each and every summer), you don't have time to accumulate a million and a half licenses so that you can work in a hospital and get the experience you need to apply for grad school. I have resorted to volunteering and I'm still not even sure if the Free Medical Clinic in my city will let me get the experience I need!! This will officially be my second summer working for no income and then I will have 2 1/2 years in PA school, during which I will also be gaining no income. SO, I will officially be as poor as a church mouse when I graduate.
Third, I have decided to get my phlebotomy license and I am super excited!!! I am sure there will be many stories on the blog about phlebotomy class in which I get lots of bad sticks from fellow students--it should be a blast. BUT REALLY, I am looking forward to it in a BIG way!
Fourth (and final), I'm studying for the GRE. I hope to have taken it before May 27th, but we will see if that happens. My real/realistic goal is to have taken it by Mid-June!

Countdown to the Application opening: 51 days

Exams

2011-05-02T11:27:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year. . . lovely exam week.
Part of me loves it. People are clearing out, no classes, no useless assignments, less than a week until summer, gorgeous weather, etc.
Part of me hates it. Studying, stress about packing up and battening down the hatches on my apartment for the long summer, good-byes, etc.
But overall it's a great week!
Can't wait for summer though, despite the fact that I am jobless/because of the fact that I am jobless.

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T17:21:00.000-07:00

CHRIST THE LORD IS RISEN TODAY!!! HALLELUJAH!

Ye Fearful Saints Fresh Courage Take

2011-04-22T09:07:00.000-07:00

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants his footsteps in the sea,
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never-failing skill,
He treasures up his bright designs,
And works his sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust him for his grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err,
And scan his work in vain;
God is his own interpreter,
And he will make it plain.

It's Good Friday and I pray everyone is discovering Christ's great love for us and delight in us! He died that we may live with Him in eternity and see Him in all His glory!!
This hymn by William Cowper is the song of my heart right now. I hope that it encourages you too.

Learning to be Dependent again

2011-04-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

I'm constantly reminded of my dependence on the Lord. Right now, I look to him for patience, for the strength to encourage, for the joy in the place where he has me. He is my lifeline. I feel like a baby attached by an umbilical cord to everything it needs in the world. He is all I need in the world.

20 years ago tomorrow. . .

2011-04-12T16:31:00.000-07:00

. . . I was born.

I distinctly remember last year on my birthday sitting under the library bridge, talking to my mom and then my brother, and looking out on the reflection pond and the amphitheater, with the dog woods blooming, the wind blowing, the sun shining, and the love of family surrounding me from hundreds of miles away and thinking, "How could life get better than this?" I was so wrong.

Over the past year so much has happened. There have been sorrows in losses of dear family and friends--losses which I will never forget and pain that I will never forget. There have been worries and fears. There have been umpteen joys and blessings. There have been moments where I thought I could not cry any harder and moments where I knew there was nothing I could do to express the joy I felt. I have felt my inadequacy time and time again, and I've felt the Lord's presence even more.

It's been a year of growth spiritually, personally, mentally, and socially. I've established new friendships that are very dear to me, I've changed my graduation date back and forth and finally settled on December, I've come to love and appreciate my family even more, and most importantly, I've come to know and love my Father in Heaven even more and I've come to a deeper understanding of what it means to fully rely on Him.

So, in answer to my own question: Life has gotten even better in my 19th year. And I don't think I will place any limit on what the Lord has in store for my 20th year!!

Too long.

2011-04-08T21:18:00.000-07:00

3 weeks is 2 weeks and 6 days too many. Just saying.

Delight

2011-03-30T21:29:00.000-07:00

During my quiet time tonight I came across Psalm 18:19 "He rescued me because He delighted in me."
I am the Father's delight, the creator of the universe delights in me! So much so that he saved me from my rightful punishment of eternal death by sending his own son into this awful world, allowing him to die, and then accepting that sacrifice of precious, perfect, spotless blood to cleanse me.
In verse 46 of the same Psalm, David goes on to say, "Blessed be my rock and exalted be the God of my Salvation." My words fall so inadequately short for the awe, love, and praise I have for my Savior. My life and my all is such an insignificant, inadequate offering to my Father in Heaven.

Whirlwind

2011-03-29T13:52:00.001-07:00

Things are happening--FAST!! I just found out that I will be able to graduate in December. WHHHHAAAATTTTTT?!?!?!? I feel like the Lord is moving in my life at the speed of light. Things are changing, life is moving forward, and to be honest, it's a little scary. I love it. All of it. It's just hitting me all at once. Bahh!

Late night mind wandering

2011-03-15T00:08:00.000-07:00

It's late--or early--depending on how you look at things. I should be studying for my 2 back-to-back tests starting at 8 am, but I have to get my thoughts out before I can re-focus.

I am so looking forward to this weekend--I may pop (and it's only Monday-errrr Tuesday!):
All the people I love are converging on one of the places I love to celebrate the marriage of two very special people. Could it get better? Nope.
I love that people are coming in waves starting on Thursday so that I can fully savor the arrival of each pair/individual. :) Oh so excited. Praying for many many safe travels, many blessings for the happy couple and that Christ's love would be shown to all those who haven't experienced it before.

BLESSINGS!!!!!!!!!!

2011-03-09T22:22:00.000-08:00

As previously mentioned, I struggle with the Lord's blessings (see "A foretaste of Heaven"). My mom had pointed me to Isaiah 33:21, "But there the glorious LORD will be unto us a place of broad rivers and streams; wherein shall go no galley with oars, neither shall gallant ship pass thereby." She also pointed me to Spurgeon's absolutely wonderful commentary on this verse from his Chequebook of the Bank of Faith:

The LORD will be to us the greatest good without any of the drawbacks which seem necessarily to attend the best earthly things. If a city is favored with broad rivers, it is liable to be attacked by galleys with oars and other ships of war. But when the LORD represents the abundance of His bounty under this figure, He takes care expressly to shut out the fear which the metaphor might suggest. Blessed be His perfect love! LORD, if Thou send me wealth like broad rivers, do not let the galley with oars come up in the shape of worldliness or pride. If Thou grant me abundant health and happy spirits, do not let "the gallant ship" of carnal ease come sailing up the flowing flood. If I have success in holy service, broad as the German Rhine, yet let me never find the galley of self-conceit and self-confidence floating on the waves of my usefulness. Should I be so supremely happy as to enjoy the light of Thy countenance year after year, yet let me never despise Thy feeble saints, nor allow the vain notion of my own perfection to sail up the broad rivers of my full assurance. LORD, give me that blessing which maketh rich and neither addeth sorrow nor aideth sin.

After reading this verse and Spurgeon's insights on it, I was so reassured that the Lord wanted me to rest in his blessings and find joy in them. Then my mind wandered to the sin + blessings equation. . . The first is dark, evil, and of Satan, while the second is pure, glorious, and from the Father. How do those two mix---they are oil and water??? How in the world does the Lord see fit to pour his perfect blessings into the midst of our crappy sins???
Answer: Jesus. We can enjoy glimpses of eternity with the Father through the Son who took on that sin.
This all occurred to me once I started to consider blessings in a sinless world and realized there would be no need. In a sinless world, we could live in the presence of the glory of the Father and we would get to experience the fullness of joy available to us, there would be no need for samples (It's like why eat the fun size m&ms when you could eat an entire large bag without any calories).
SO basic principle: the Lord is giving me a glimpse of Heaven in His blessings and I am totally ready to jump on this bandwagon of blessings he has for me and enjoy this precious gift!!
Oh, and what happens if it's taken away, you might ask???? Answer: I've still gotten yet another glimpse into eternity and that's where the blessing of the blessing lies!

Oh and a little extra Spurgeon goodness on blessings:

"Anything is a blessing which makes us pray."
"In spiritual things, when God has raised a desire, He always gratifies it; hence the longing is prophetic of the blessing. In no case is the desire of the living thing excited to produce distress, but in order that it may seek and find satisfaction."

Love languages

2011-03-07T14:42:00.000-08:00

After having a discussion on love languages this past weekend, I took a test. I surprised myself entirely at how very off the charts I am on my primary love language.

The test gives you a raw percentage and a score for each love language.
Here were mine:
Words of Affirmation--7%--2
Quality Time--23%--7
Receiving Gifts--23%--7
Acts of Service--7%--2
Physical Touch--40%--12

According to the test, the highest score you can get for one is 12. So I'd say physical touch means a lot to me. I should have known. I had assumed that physical touch was one of mine and that gifts and QT may or may not be, but I had no clue the extent to which I am a "touchy-feely" person. :D Acts of service and words of affirmation mean seemingly nothing to me--no surprise there.

Here is a link to the test I took. It was adapted from Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.

A foretaste of Heaven

2011-03-01T19:58:00.000-08:00

I get wrapped up in the Lord's blessings--I freak out trying to make sure that I am not holding them too tightly and idolizing them, while also freaking out that I don't enjoy them enough. Basic principle: I overthink. Fortunately, after a day of overthinking, my fabulous roommate read me a C.S. Lewis quote on longings and how they prove to us that we are made for another world. And so I thought some more (surprise, surprise) and really just feel that the Lord is saying, "Chill. Enjoy what I have given you." By worrying about how my sin would interact with the Lord's blessings, I was sinning (yet again).

The blessings He gives me and the longings and struggles they create in me are just one more piece of evidence that I am not made for this world. This life is but a fleeting millisecond in the span of eternity. The Lord's blessings should remind me to eagerly anticipate eternity with Him and my brokenness in the midst of those blessings should remind me of my desperate need of Him.

I still feel like an emotional wreck. I'm still freaking out. Now I'm just emotional and freaking over the magnificence of my Savior and not the depravity of my soul. Hallelujah for the Holy Spirit living in me, for Christ interceding for me, and for the Father having mercy on me!

Good music.

2011-02-23T12:56:00.000-08:00

Today I don't have time for a quiet time due to my anatomy test tomorrow :( If I do get one it will be sometime around 3 this morning--or something. But my soul is at rest and I am rejoicing in the Lord as I sit in Starbucks and study and have some awesome music blaring through my headphones! This stuff is quality. Thank you Phil Wickham, Shane Barnard, Shane and Shane, and Sanctus Real for encouraging me despite my frantic studying of that little guy show above. :)

2011-02-13T20:14:00.001-08:00

It has come to my attention that I haven't blogged in a while---so here you go. Just a friendly reminder of what you already know from the cheesy jewelry commercials and the overstuffed bears placed at the end of every aisle in Wal-mart: tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Happy Vday--Go hug someone you love!

Learning My Trade

2011-01-26T20:51:00.000-08:00

I feel like this semester is the first semester at Clemson that is chock-full of applicable classes to my career. I am learning all sorts of fun stuff like how to take blood and check for cholesterol levels and take all the various vital signs. By the end of the semester I will be certified in First aid, Basic Life Support, and as a Cholestech operator! I am thrilled. Today in Anatomy we dissected cats--we are doing endocrine right now which means we got to dive in there and dig around under intestines to find adrenal glands and dig under the lungs and above the heart to find the thymus, etc.! I think I will really love surgery! I love getting my hands into that cavity and palpating to find the tiny glands--it's just thrilling. We're so fearfully and wonderfully made and this semester I am being reminded of that daily--it's intense but I love learning with the thought that one day my knowledge of this material will affect someone else's life.

"Life Gave Me Lemonade"

A work week

It's Wednesday.

Super Bowl

The Only Thing I'm Absolute About. . .

Just Another Day At the Office

Loose Ends

Where we are, Where we've been

Stride. . .

C.S.L. Says It Best

First design endeavor!!

Living 1 Timothy 4:12

First Blood Spatter on Scrubs!!

I Am Coming Back Soon

Bonhoeffer

Photographic Evidence

Budgeting

Merry Christmas!!

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

"Boy Wanted"

End of an Era

Another "In the Morning" Post

In the Morning

Study Party

My Car

Thoughts for this Tuesday

Happy December!!!

11/29/10-11/29/11: Changes

A list

Family Time!!!

Wingate Slumber Party

A Not-So-Sabbathy Tuesday

Monday Sabbath

Last Game at Death Valley as a Student

He Provides

Still here . . .

Wait for the Lord

Dinner

Desire

Graduation. . . 52 DAYS!!!

Wedding Pictures!!!!

New kicks

The Farms at Longleaf

Pinterest

A post about something other than the wedding. . .

T-minus One Week

Death Warmed Over. . .

Job.

Sorry I'm a lame blogger. . .

Eyes, Stay Open.

Continued Chronic Fatigue Chronicles

Owning someone's heart

The Trip

The Birth of a Wedding Program

A quick update

There's a New Man in my Life!!

Leavin' on a jet plane. . .

Sorry to waste your time.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow!

If God Already Knows, Why Pray?

The Power of Prayer

JSYK. . .

Legit.

As soon as the wedding's over. . .

Wedding Planning Update

Happy things!

Stitches

Beautiful Music

Fun Adventure Ahead!!

You know, I was just thinking. . .

Jesus I am Resting

Happy 4th!

Catching some ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzs

Happy 30th Anniversary Mom and Dad!

The Desires of My Heart

One Step Closer

Tourniquet Tying Practice

Peelage and Medicine Love

Life, as of late.

The Good Life