Delight

During my quiet time tonight I came across Psalm 18:19 "He rescued me because He delighted in me."
I am the Father's delight, the creator of the universe delights in me! So much so that he saved me from my rightful punishment of eternal death by sending his own son into this awful world, allowing him to die, and then accepting that sacrifice of precious, perfect, spotless blood to cleanse me.
In verse 46 of the same Psalm, David goes on to say, "Blessed be my rock and exalted be the God of my Salvation." My words fall so inadequately short for the awe, love, and praise I have for my Savior. My life and my all is such an insignificant, inadequate offering to my Father in Heaven.

Whirlwind

Things are happening--FAST!! I just found out that I will be able to graduate in December. WHHHHAAAATTTTTT?!?!?!? I feel like the Lord is moving in my life at the speed of light. Things are changing, life is moving forward, and to be honest, it's a little scary. I love it. All of it. It's just hitting me all at once. Bahh!

Late night mind wandering

It's late--or early--depending on how you look at things. I should be studying for my 2 back-to-back tests starting at 8 am, but I have to get my thoughts out before I can re-focus.

I am so looking forward to this weekend--I may pop (and it's only Monday-errrr Tuesday!):
All the people I love are converging on one of the places I love to celebrate the marriage of two very special people. Could it get better? Nope.
I love that people are coming in waves starting on Thursday so that I can fully savor the arrival of each pair/individual. :) Oh so excited. Praying for many many safe travels, many blessings for the happy couple and that Christ's love would be shown to all those who haven't experienced it before.

BLESSINGS!!!!!!!!!!

As previously mentioned, I struggle with the Lord's blessings (see "A foretaste of Heaven"). My mom had pointed me to Isaiah 33:21, "But there the glorious LORD will be unto us a place of broad rivers and streams; wherein shall go no galley with oars, neither shall gallant ship pass thereby." She also pointed me to Spurgeon's absolutely wonderful commentary on this verse from his Chequebook of the Bank of Faith:

The LORD will be to us the greatest good without any of the drawbacks which seem necessarily to attend the best earthly things. If a city is favored with broad rivers, it is liable to be attacked by galleys with oars and other ships of war. But when the LORD represents the abundance of His bounty under this figure, He takes care expressly to shut out the fear which the metaphor might suggest. Blessed be His perfect love! LORD, if Thou send me wealth like broad rivers, do not let the galley with oars come up in the shape of worldliness or pride. If Thou grant me abundant health and happy spirits, do not let "the gallant ship" of carnal ease come sailing up the flowing flood. If I have success in holy service, broad as the German Rhine, yet let me never find the galley of self-conceit and self-confidence floating on the waves of my usefulness. Should I be so supremely happy as to enjoy the light of Thy countenance year after year, yet let me never despise Thy feeble saints, nor allow the vain notion of my own perfection to sail up the broad rivers of my full assurance. LORD, give me that blessing which maketh rich and neither addeth sorrow nor aideth sin.

After reading this verse and Spurgeon's insights on it, I was so reassured that the Lord wanted me to rest in his blessings and find joy in them. Then my mind wandered to the sin + blessings equation. . . The first is dark, evil, and of Satan, while the second is pure, glorious, and from the Father. How do those two mix---they are oil and water??? How in the world does the Lord see fit to pour his perfect blessings into the midst of our crappy sins???
Answer: Jesus. We can enjoy glimpses of eternity with the Father through the Son who took on that sin.
This all occurred to me once I started to consider blessings in a sinless world and realized there would be no need. In a sinless world, we could live in the presence of the glory of the Father and we would get to experience the fullness of joy available to us, there would be no need for samples (It's like why eat the fun size m&ms when you could eat an entire large bag without any calories).
SO basic principle: the Lord is giving me a glimpse of Heaven in His blessings and I am totally ready to jump on this bandwagon of blessings he has for me and enjoy this precious gift!!
Oh, and what happens if it's taken away, you might ask???? Answer: I've still gotten yet another glimpse into eternity and that's where the blessing of the blessing lies!

Oh and a little extra Spurgeon goodness on blessings:

"Anything is a blessing which makes us pray."
"In spiritual things, when God has raised a desire, He always gratifies it; hence the longing is prophetic of the blessing. In no case is the desire of the living thing excited to produce distress, but in order that it may seek and find satisfaction."

Love languages

After having a discussion on love languages this past weekend, I took a test. I surprised myself entirely at how very off the charts I am on my primary love language.

The test gives you a raw percentage and a score for each love language.
Here were mine:
Words of Affirmation--7%--2
Quality Time--23%--7
Receiving Gifts--23%--7
Acts of Service--7%--2
Physical Touch--40%--12

According to the test, the highest score you can get for one is 12. So I'd say physical touch means a lot to me. I should have known. I had assumed that physical touch was one of mine and that gifts and QT may or may not be, but I had no clue the extent to which I am a "touchy-feely" person. :D Acts of service and words of affirmation mean seemingly nothing to me--no surprise there.

Here is a link to the test I took. It was adapted from Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.

A foretaste of Heaven

I get wrapped up in the Lord's blessings--I freak out trying to make sure that I am not holding them too tightly and idolizing them, while also freaking out that I don't enjoy them enough. Basic principle: I overthink. Fortunately, after a day of overthinking, my fabulous roommate read me a C.S. Lewis quote on longings and how they prove to us that we are made for another world. And so I thought some more (surprise, surprise) and really just feel that the Lord is saying, "Chill. Enjoy what I have given you." By worrying about how my sin would interact with the Lord's blessings, I was sinning (yet again).

The blessings He gives me and the longings and struggles they create in me are just one more piece of evidence that I am not made for this world. This life is but a fleeting millisecond in the span of eternity. The Lord's blessings should remind me to eagerly anticipate eternity with Him and my brokenness in the midst of those blessings should remind me of my desperate need of Him.

I still feel like an emotional wreck. I'm still freaking out. Now I'm just emotional and freaking over the magnificence of my Savior and not the depravity of my soul. Hallelujah for the Holy Spirit living in me, for Christ interceding for me, and for the Father having mercy on me!