Bonhoeffer

"The family trees of Karl and Paula Bonhoeffer are everywhere so laden with figures of accomplishment that one might expect future generations to be burdened by it all. But the welter of wonderfulness was that their heritage seems to have been a boon, one that buoyed them up so that each child seems not only to have stood on the shoulders of giants but also to have danced on them."

I want my generations to come to stand as a monument to the Lord's faithfulness.

P.S. read Eric Metaxes' bio on Bonhoeffer. I am in the first chapter and cannot put it down!

Photographic Evidence

YES, I did graduate.

And YES, I am excited about it!

Budgeting

I just made my budget for the next few months. Whew! That's a whole lot of work for just a few dollars worth of savings!!!! If anyone in the upstate needs a babysitter, I. Am. Game. I will be squirreling away all I can for the next few months because there may be two and a half desert years ahead of me financially.

Next Thursday I start my job (A week from today!!)--and you better believe I WILL work overtime!!

Merry Christmas!!

I hope that everyone had a day full of love and joy yesterday. I know that for many this is not an easy time of year and feelings of fear, loneliness, sadness, etc. can't simply be taken away with pretty lights and songs and even gifts you thought you so desired. I pray that this Christmas you experienced the joy that comes only in Christ. As my amazing minister said, "He comes as an infant in order that He might do from the beginning of life what we have failed to do from the beginning of life." We will fail over and over again but Jesus came to redeem us all, to separate us from our sin so that we are able to enter into the Father's presence so that we may one day experience a joy and love that is without flaw.
He left complete joy and love and glory to come down to Earth as a babe and experience rejection, humiliation, pain, and, worst of all, separation from the perfect joy in harmony with the Father and the Holy Spirit that He already had. But He came for us----"Thanks be to God for His inexpressible gift" (2 Corinthians 9:15).
Merry Christmas to all!

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

It's blurry---but there it is.

I'm a graduate. 

"Boy Wanted"

Recently one of our favorite books from childhood has resurfaced and somehow landed on the coffee table in my parents' den. It is The Children's Book of Virtues--a beautiful hardback book filled with all kinds of virtuousness. I was perusing the book last night as I sat resting my bones and I came across a gem of a poem written by Frank Crane, apparently it appeared in a "want ad" in the early part of the 20th century.

WANTED--A boy who stands straight, sits straight, acts straight and talks straight;

A boy whose fingernails are not in mourning, whose ears are clean, whose shoes are polished, whose clothes are brushed, whose hair is combed, and whose teeth are well cared for;

A boy who listens carefully when he is spoken to, who asks questions when he does not understand, and does not ask questions about things that are none of his business;

A boy who moves quickly and makes as little noise about it as possible;

A boy who whistles in the street, but does not whistle where he ought to keep still;

A boy who looks cheerful, has a ready smile for everybody, and never sulks;

A boy who is polite to every man and respectful to every woman and girl;

A boy who does not smoke cigarettes and has no desire to learn how; 

A boy who is more eager to know how to speak good English than to talk slang; 

A boy who neither bullies other boys nor allows other boys to bully him;

A boy who, when he does not know a thing, says, "I don't know," and when he has made a mistake says, "I'm sorry," and when he is asked to do a thing says, "I'll try";

A boy who looks you right in the eye and tells the truth every time; 

A boy who is eager to read good books;

A boy who would rather put in his spare time at the YMCA gymnasium than gamble for pennies in a back room;

A boy who does not want to be "smart" or in any wise to attract attention;

A boy who would rather lose his job or be expelled from school than tell a lie or be a cad;

A boy whom other boys like;

A boy who is at ease in the company of girls;

A boy who is not sorry for himself, and not forever thinking and talking about himself;

A boy who is friendly with his mother, and more intimate with her than anyone else;

A boy who makes you feel good when he is around;

A boy who is not goody-goody, a prig, or a little pharisee, but just healthy, happy, and full of life.

This boy is wanted everywhere. The family wants him, the school wants him, the office wants him, the boys want him, the girls want him, all creation wants him. 

I'll also include my very favorite from the book--one that is, to this day, repeated regularly in our household. 

Try, Try Again

'Tis a lesson you should heed,

Try, try again;

If at first you don't succeed, 

Try, try again;

Then your courage should appear, 

For, if you will persevere, 

You will conquer, never fear;

Try, try again. 

End of an Era

I am done with college. My grades are in (and I passed all my courses), my eportfolio is done, no parking tickets to be paid, no library fines to be paid THEREFORE I am 100% positive that I will be getting a diploma on Thursday!! It feels good--a little weird--but good. I feel immensely blessed as I have already been showered with much love and awesome gifts for my life to come and I'm just 24 hours out!! My friends, my family, my church, my community--I am blessed beyond measure!!!

Let Christmas and all the family time begin!!!!

Another "In the Morning" Post

And this time it's my last!!

Since my last post I have completed 2 exams---blasted one completely out of the water and the other, well, I made just 4 points more than what I had to make to get an A(just a wee bit too close for my comfort). So here I find myself at the "2 down, 1 to go" point. Perhaps the hardest point of all in the exam week process. My brain is rebelling, my body's reeling from all the crap food I've eaten in an effort to clean out the fridge, my butt is tired of sitting, my knees are tired from being crossed beneath me in an effort to keep my butt from hurting, my nails are shot, my hair's a mess, etc. So, Clemson, way to provide a solid exam week in order to get me emotionally ready to detach from you.

Alright, back to studying I begrudgingly go---8:30 in the am is coming fast and it's my LAST ONE!!!!!

Talk to y'all soon--as a "Candidate for Graduation!"

In the Morning

8 am tomorrow: History of Country Music exam :)

Must get a 60 to make an A.

I think we're ok. (If I wake up in time)

After that: 2 exams are all that remains of my college career.

Study Party

I'm having a study party for one currently. It's cold outside and I'm at my corner desk in front of my drafty window so I have my down throw on my knees and a pink wool sweater on, along with my reindeer pjs (Yes, reindeer--I'm festive, don't hate.). Pandora is playing some lovely Christmas tunes and I may just make a cup of hot chocolate in a few minutes. This is fun. This is just what I wanted my last exam week to be like---a final push with real effort and some Christmas spirit thrown in.

My Car

I have always loved my car! I got it in October of 2008 and my Daddy blessed me with buying it new so that I can have it for a long, long time and not pay for a car until I'm at least 30 (ok, maybe overstatement BUT I hope so!). Funny aside: When we were shopping for it the car salesman even started talking about how it was a great car for kids and yadayadayada--I think it freaked my Dad out a little that this could be the car I drive my family around in one day. Aside done--back to my story.
I name objects, my whole family does, and those names reflect the "personality" of their respective objects. For example: my coffeemaker's name is "Javier" (he's sleek and hot [get it? hot]) , my J.Crew necklace that's an elephant is "Fred" (he just looks like a Fred), my childhood blanket is "Blankie" but the corner I sucked my thumb with is "Corny" and the little creature in the opposite corner whose eyelids are all tired and droopy looking was "Night-Night" (yes, 3 names, one object. . . I was a particular child). So with all those names, of course my car had to have a good one. He (yes, he) was dubbed Fin. You see Fin is a white, 2009 Hyundai Sonata and the antenna on that model is very dolphin fin- and cute-looking, one of the things that I love about him.

3 years later and Fin is about to hit his 29,000 mile birthday (yes, only 29,000 miles in 3 years--I love it! Maybe I will have him 'til I'm 30)! He and I have taken many road trips back and forth to Clemson, one or two to North Carolina, a few to Charleston and errrr, that's about it!

Note the "fin"

Well, I have always liked Fin a whole lot but never really truly appreciated him until yesterday. Yesterday, on my way home from class I was taking the off-ramp off 76 and turning right onto 93. I was stopped completely at the red light, humming to my Christmas music, and watching the traffic and then that sickening metal on metal sound and a jolt. Ugggghhhh. Got out, saw that the girl was okay and told her to follow me to a parking lot right off 93. Apparently, her brakes stopped working and so she crashed into the back of me (although they worked just fine when she drove into the parking lot and parked in a space). If that's truly the case I am glad I was there to keep her from going into the oncoming traffic.
Anyway, I call the police and the wait for them to get there begins (Hint: no one get seriously injured in Clemson and need help fast). Poor girl is really flustered and tells me how glad she is that it was me and how she just knew it was going to be a 50 year old woman screaming at her who came out of that nice, new car (Is this a compliment to my shiny, clean car [thanks mom and dad for insisting I get it washed last time I was home] or should I be upset that she basically told me I had an old-person car??). Policeman finally comes, determines that her front bumper went up under my back bumper on impact, and goes to start writing the accident report. But my flustered friend isn't done. She stops the nice policeman and asks, "Do you know what time it is? I have to be at the courthouse by 1:30 to pay a ticket." He gave her a bit of an incredulous look (in a kind way), told her the time, and made his way to his car to write the report. I had to remind myself to shut my mouth and turned to get out of the cold rain and text my mom to give her a heads-up that Fin would need a new bumper.
Finally the report was done and we were all able to go on our merry way. Oh, and the girl definitely still had time to make it to the courthouse by 1:30.
My sheer relief that it wasn't my fault and that Fin isn't super-damaged is tinged with a little sadness though. First, when the girl explained to the policeman that her brakes wouldn't work, he gently told her that she didn't need to be driving it and she sighed and said "But it's my only form of transportation." Here I was standing by my "shiny, new, 50 year-old woman car" that  my parents so graciously have blessed me with and she is so unable to afford better brakes that she's risking her life driving around every day. I then got the insurance report and not only is the car in her name, but also the insurance. I was so proud of her for doing the legal thing and even having insurance (I am sure it's not easy to see money going out of your already-low account if it doesn't buy you food or a roof over your head.) but it made me sad that she had to absorb that cost on her own. She's a student at Tri-county in the Dental Hygiene program and it wouldn't shock me if she was paying her way through that on her own.
I don't understand paying a honkin' tuition check or fighting for my next meal or not having a financial and emotional safety net below me for the few things that I actually pay for. The whole thing was an eye-opener. Today as I drove Fin around I found myself going slower over the speed bumps in my apartment parking lot, braking a whole lot earlier in the Clemson "rush hour" traffic, and whipping into my parking spot a whole lot more carefully. So thankful to have a car that is safe and reliable and (mostly) intact. As I listened to my Christmas playlist that is chock full of songs that I didn't blink at the price of when downloading, I began to think about what I have and what I think I "need." Catharine, "need" means nothing to you. You don't know the meaning of that word.
I hope and pray that the girl is able to get a more reliable car soon. I hope that she has someone to spend Christmas with who loves her and who she can love back. I hope that she didn't get another ticket that would cost her more money she didn't need to spend. And I hope that I never forget how stinkin' blessed I am that the Lord chose me to be my parents' child and how much they have scrimped and saved on themselves to provide above and beyond for their children and others. I pray that with every material blessing I have in my life I seek to glorify the Lord with it, just as they have done, whether that be with a car, money, a home, a job,  anything and everything.

Thoughts for this Tuesday

15 days until I graduate!!!
Have my cap, have my gown, have my stole.
1 test and 4 exams stand between me and walking across that stage in Littlejohn Coliseum on December 22nd at 11 am!!!!!

Also:
- I have a start date for my job: January 5th--Coming to a bloodmobile near you!
- The TIGERS WON!! ACC championship for a graduation present--not too shabby.
- I am sure that if they studied it, Christmas lights would be found to release endorphins.

Happy December!!!

It's been a busy week. Phew! If I can make it through Tuesday I will still have exams ahead of me but I will be feeling very, very good! Between now and then I have a research proposal due, a presentation on an article about the cost-effectiveness of community-based blood pressure control strategies in developing countries, and an interview and paper with a health management professional. eesh!
But here are a few great things:
-CMA Country Christmas (w/ Miss Piggy)
-Homemade Veggie Soup (with cornbread AND tabasco)
-Cold Weather
-Feeling Better
-Groceries
-Getting up to workout in the morning (that's how much better I feel)
-Going to bed before midnight
-Heading to Charlotte this weekend
-Attending ACC Championship (Go Tigers!)
-20 days to graduation!!!!!!!!
-It's December.

"Hallelujah, Hallelujah is the jubilant refrain! God is sending us a Savior--Peace on Earth, Good will to man."

11/29/10-11/29/11: Changes

Tonight I was prompted to think of all the things that have happened in my life since last November 29th and it is an odd sensation. Perhaps it strikes me more since I am graduating in 23 days and I feel like I'm coming into the person I will be for the rest of my life (this probably should have happened earlier ;D ). Maybe it's this odd thought I have that I don't need anybody or anything else in my life to stay completely satisfied forever. I've changed this year, I feel it. Maybe not outwardly but I am a different person inside.

This year I've been unable to heal the hurts of people I love. I've seen what love is and what it is not. I've put myself "out there" in many areas of my life and risked failing in bigger ways than before. I've learned/shaped the role I will take in my family as we go forward. I've felt a sense of exponentially increasing independence from my family and home, concurrent with an ever-increasing sense of a unified front with them (that makes no sense, I'm sure). I've taken giant leaps towards my career calling and realized that I will need to seriously work at not being a workaholic because I'm going to love it. I've drawn up images and goals in my mind of where I want myself to be physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally  in the decades beyond my twenties and thirties.

Perhaps I've got this new sense of life beyond "me." I've been so stuck on the "get to career" images and dreams that I'm just now beginning to see beyond. I'm beginning to challenge myself in a what will I do with my life type of way rather than what will I do with my useful years. What will I do with my life in the years beyond what society calls "useful" for my life?? What can I do now to challenge my brain and soul so that when the day comes I can still be a warrior of righteousness despite my failing body??

I'm just getting older, and that's good. . . most of the time.

A list

No deep mind-wanderings tonight just a list of the "lately" things:

1. It was a superb Thanksgiving. I celebrated with 73 of my closest family. 73 almost turned into 74 as my cousin contracted her way through the afternoon festivities (but alas, 74 has yet to make his appearance [that I've heard of]). M's foot got run over by the enormous trailer being pulled for the hayride (no broken bones [that I know of]). Those are the highlights. Oh, and the food. . . but even better, the leftovers that should last me through exams.
2. ALL of the Wingate homestead's Christmas decorations are up!!! I do believe it is a record--less than 48 hours after Thanksgiving.
3. Christmas music. Be still my soul.
4. A new antibiotic. OH, did I mention that as of this morning I can't hear out of my right ear at all?? Thus, new antibiotic!!
5. Clemson lost (self-explanatory).
6. 26 days until graduation
7. Apartment Christmas decorating tomorrow!!!
8. STUDY!!! FOCUS!!! EYE ON GOAL LINE!!!! EXAMS!!!

Night, friends! Happy Sabbath tomorrow!

Family Time!!!

I have another sinus infection and a lot of fluid in my ears. And it hurts. My teeth, my head, my ears, my throat, my neck, my lungs, ugh. But, TOMORROW I will be with my family and my mama can take care of me!!!
I am on a good antibiotic and some good hydrocodone cough syrup (which did make for an interesting presentation in one of my classes today--I just went ahead and prefaced it with, "I'm on hydrocodone cough syrup right now, so bear with me." Got a laugh. It was good.), both of which should get me better sooner rather than later!
I am so so so ready for a break.
And guess what!?!?!?!? 30 days to graduation!!!!!!!!!

Wingate Slumber Party

One week from tomorrow is Thanksgiving. For most of you it will be a pleasant, quiet family affair with stomachs overfilled with turkey, naps, football games, maybe the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. On the other hand, my family does it the crazy way. There will be 100+ of us, there will be barbecue, there will be little to no rest, etc. The interesting thing this year is that with the addition of members to the immediate family the sleeping arrangements get tricky (side note: only the immediate fam stays at the farm, everyone else comes and goes the day of). So, here's the officially official rooming situation: me, my sister and bro-in-law, and my brother and sis-in-law will all be in one room. Albeit only for 2 nights, we are having a Wingate kid slumber party (as my bro-in-law called it)! I can't decide who should be more put out, the couples or me??? But, no one is really put out at all and it will be yet another notch in the Thanksgiving Adventures tree.
We are hoping and praying that the moody septic tank holds out for us because it needs to "Dumpit to Crumpit" for 12 people for 4 days and 100+ for one day. Time to go call Johnny on the Spot. 

A Not-So-Sabbathy Tuesday

So, my forced relaxation referenced in the previous post was actually due to an awfully sore throat and tired body. I really and truly did enjoy my Monday Sabbath but it became a Not-so-Sabbathy Tuesday. That little cold became a monster around 3:45 this morning when I woke up to daggers in my throat and lots of chills. 2 cough drops, 2 advil, and 45 minutes later I slipped back into the land of unconsciousness. I awoke at 10:30---apparently I turned off my 8 am alarm and thus, missed my 9 o'clock class (not really so sad). I scrambled and made it to my 11 am physics class (not looking so hot), and got through it on 3 more cough drops, a jug of water and only some mild hacking! I made my way back home and returned to bed with a book and didn't get out until  5 pm with the book done. :) If only the entire day/afternoon hadn't been spent tearing off blankets and putting them back on and switching sides so either ear didn't get too pressurized. Currently I am studying for my midterm I have promptly at 9 o'clock in the morning (no sleeping in, here) and then I will push my body through my History of Country Music class (soo hard) and come back and collapse into bed for the rest of the day. Hallelujah for a chill rest-of-the-week!!!

And then it's Thanksgiving!
And then Graduation (in 36 days)!!!
And then Christmas!!!
And then bye-bye 2011 and HELLOOOOO 2012!!!!!

Monday Sabbath

Clean room. Good book. Wonderful roommates. Only an hour spent in my second-to-last physics lab. Only 19 assignments and 37 days left in my college career. Hope. Joy and Laughter at the days to come. Peace. Pancakes for dinner. "I'll be Home for Christmas" and possibly a few tears of excitement and anticipation for that. Understanding of class material. Crazy professor being nice. No tv. Free kindle books from library. 

It's been one of those days that revives the soul. A Sabbath. A day of focused quiet and peace. What was to be a normal, crazy Monday was captured by the Lord and turned into a Sabbath. A day of not striving, fixing, and pursuing but rather sitting, reading, being quiet and still, and experiencing the Lord's pursuit of my heart and mind. It was Heavenly! 

Last Game at Death Valley as a Student

Coming up on Saturday: The first of the major Lasts!!! :-) and :-(

I hope Clemson beats Wake! I KNOW it will be a fun day with many family and friends coming into town. 

My apartment will be full with 3 of my former roommates and all my current roommates. I'm meeting the newest boyfriend of the clan, which I am thrilled about!! 

I love Clemson, I've loved my time here, I've loved the people here, and I will love claiming my alumni status!!

6 weeks from today I will officially be an alumni!!! **But only 5 weeks 'til I am DONE!!!!**

Hope y'all have awesome weekend plans to come!! . . . And stay warm!!

He Provides

Guess What?!?!?!?!?

I have great news!!!

It starts with "J" and ends with "ob."

No interview yet. In fact, I've been rolled to regular admissions--sadly. But at the same time I am super-duper excited about this job. I never thought I would be this excited about this "interim" job. The Lord provides indeed.

Woot woot!!!

Still here . . .

I'm still sitting here. . . checking my email every five seconds with bated breath. . . hoping for an interview invite. . . waiting. . . praying. . . etc.

There are a few things I've realized throughout this "process" (i.e. waiting game):

First, I'm an impatient person. My parents have Everyone's been telling me this for years but I never knew how bad I was until now. EESH. When I make up my mind that I want something I'm pretty one-track minded about it (such a fault), and this has been no exception. I do believe the Lord has me exactly where He wants me.

Second, I want to be a PA very badly. I've realized that even if I have to go through this process 2, 3, maybe 4 more times. . . I will. I am called to do this. My gifts and abilities line up with this profession. I'm excited to serve people through this profession. And I will wait on the Lord's timing, even if it isn't just days or weeks.

Third, I will have a great 2012 even if I am not in Charleston and in PA school! Now, 2011 may have a crappy ending but I will make myself have fun working as a phlebotomist, taking trips, and enjoying a forced breather from school for once (I haven't had a summer off since I started college).

Finally, I'm realizing that it might be wise if I fill every minute of every day while I'm engaged and then again when I'm pregnant. If I'm not good at waiting on a grad school acceptance, I'm going to be really, really bad at waiting on a wedding day to arrive or a baby to finish cooking. EESH. Hallelujah that sanctification is a continuous thing!!

Wait for the Lord

Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. . . "

I'm waiting. Waiting and being still in the Lord's plans and not my own.

Dinner

Last night I made (with lots of help) an amazing dinner and we had friends over. I love entertaining. I love having people leave my house with full stomachs. I love hospitality. And I love just hanging out and enjoying time together.

So, here's my menu. You should try all these recipes--they're ALL amazing!
BBQ meatballs
Homemade Yeast Rolls (actually, it was the Texas Roadhouse recipe--Can you say good??)
Squash Casserole
Green beans
Giada's Parmesan Mashed Potatoes
Apple Pie (Courtesy of Mrs. Smith's)
Ice Cream (Courtesy of Breyer's)

The real hits were the rolls and the meatballs!! I used 5 lbs of ground beef to make those meatballs---SO much MEAT!! A complete COMFORT FOOD meal!! No doubt about it!!!

Desire

I want that PA interview so much right now!!! And the Lord knows that, because I've told him that over and over. As the days draw nearer I become more and more me-focused: googling forums to see if anyone else is receiving notifications yet, already kindling sadness and frustration in my heart because "I'm sure I didn't get in." What am I doing??!?!
I don't deserve this gift of getting into PA school.
The Lord knows all that I am thinking and feeling.
He is a whole lot bigger than me or even the MUSC admissions committee.
He delights in my happiness.
He has called me thus far and if He shuts the door now He has a reason and He will provide.

I'm saying over and over, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

Rejoice in the Lord always. Rejoice in the Lord always. Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again. . .

Oh Lord hold me tightly now. I so fear failure. I so fear being jobless and futureless. I so fear rejection. I so fear waiting. I so fear being out of control of situations. But right now I am facing those fears big time. Be my strength, my comfort, my hope, my value, and my delight!! For you are all that is good, you are all that is joy, you are all that is peace and you are all that is goodness.
Father, it seems that you have lead me down this path and opened doors to get to this point. I do desperately want to get into PA school at MUSC this year but I do lay this down at your feet. Do your will for my life, Father.

Graduation. . . 52 DAYS!!!

I graduate from college in 52 days!!! What?!? Merry Christmas to me!!!! : D

Temporary Job plans to come. . .
Grad School plans to come. . .
Location plans to come. . .
Apartment plans to come. . .
Stocked Kitchen drawers to come. . .

Can you tell I'm a little in limbo, here?!
Oh my.

Wedding Pictures!!!!

Some of the pictures from my sister's wedding are up on Sara Parker Photography's Blog and they are SUPER!!! It's so fun to look back on that day now!!
I just love them all! Love the first look series, love the series of the family band that she wore, and will never live down the bus picture with everyone celebrating and me on the phone!! :)
Check them out: http://swparkerphotography.com/blog/?p=12533

New kicks

I got new running shoes today and that makes me superbly and incredibly happy!!! I cannot wait to break them in with many, many miles of pavement-pounding, peace-provoking steps!!!!

Nike Women's Lunarglide 3--they are awesome!

Also I got a SECOND set of new kicks today--these are slightly more fancy!!

AND they are going to look awesome with my tan trousers, navy blazer, and a button down--perfect for interviews!!!! 

So it's been a shoe-filled day here in Cola-town and I hope that you have all had an awesome day!!!

The Farms at Longleaf

Check out this awesome opportunity to own a piece of the lowcountry and raise your kids in a family-friendly environment!!!

The Farms at Longleaf

Visit our website for more details

www.thefarmsatlongleaf.com

Pinterest

. . . is Addicting.

That is all.

A post about something other than the wedding. . .

The wedding is 4 days away.  So, what else is going on in my life??

 First, a little thing I like to call Senior-itis.

Also, the PA application is done and Saturday marked the final day for the early admission applications so hopefully I will have news of an interview within the month!

The Tigers are playing amazingly well this year (5-0 BABY!!)!! I lost a bet to a few of the players in my class because I told them Auburn would win (I still WANTED Clemson to win, just didn't think it would happen). So the win over Auburn resulted in a little cake-making.

Their request was for strawberry cake and it turned out amazingly well!! There were whole strawberries in the batter and then I iced it with a delicious cream cheese icing.

The finished product--yes, I had to carry this puppy across campus to class. But it was 3 layers of strawberry, tiger paw awesomeness. 

Our landlord is selling our apartment, so at least twice a week for the past 3 weeks we've had Realtors in and out meaning that my room has had to stay clean. ugh! I heard once that planners/organized people need at least one space in their life that they just let go so they don't go crazy--for me, it's always been my room. I tell you what: keeping it clean has stressed me to the nth degree!! I don't know why it's so hard.

On that same note, one of the beloved Realtors affectionately calls himself the "Clemson Condo King." Can you say used car salesman personality??? Ugh. He's also the one that comes by most frequently and bursts your personal space bubble. Yikes.

I'm still recovering from that silly sinus infection. I can tell that given the slightest chance my body will relapse. I'm trying to prevent that from happening this week.

Finally, just to insert a little wedding news. The Bachelorette party was a SUCCESS!!! M loved it and I didn't take pics but friends did and I will hopefully get to post them soon. Highlights included: pedicabs, over-eager well wishers, yummy sushi, my first oyster shooter, sketchy Columbia nightlife, and a stack of "Dare to do it" Bachelorette party cards!
Also, I leave tomorrow for Charleston. Yes, I am skipping the majority of my classes this week, but it's necessary for the sake of my sanity as well as my mother's. Perhaps I'll post along the way, though.

Y'all have a good week!

T-minus One Week

One week from today my sister will no longer be a miss. Weird to think about--really weird.

Tomorrow we have her Hen (i.e. Bachelorette--but the Brits say it better) party in downtown Columbia, then a weekend full of wedding ceremony and reception projects, then I head back up here for 2 days, and on Tuesday I head to Charleston for the festivities. It's going to be a crazy week!!

I have been mulling over my MOH toast and finding it a very hard thing to write. There's too much I want to say about my big sis. I love her so stinkin' much!!! She's so gracious, so loving, so forgiving, so humble, so generous, so funny, so faithful---she's just all-around amazing. Her fiance is the luckiest man in the world to have her. How do I condense all that love and affection and admiration into one, less-than-a-minute toast?? 

I've also been thinking about the days leading up to the wedding. Let's face it: I know I'll be emotional. Who wouldn't be?? My only sister is getting married!!! But how will I feel when M and I go to bed on Wednesday night--our last night sleeping together (we have our own rooms but usually when we're home we choose to sleep together)?? How will I feel when I'm helping her zip up that gorgeous dress?? How will I feel right before I walk down that aisle when I give her a squeeze?? How will I feel watching them drive away--now their own little family?? 

The answer to all those questions is, of course, "I don't know." All I know is that I am praying for grace to hold it together. I'm praying that the wave of  emotions doesn't hit me until the day after so that, among other things, my mascara won't run (Waterproof? Check.). 

There are many pics to come, I promise. 

Death Warmed Over. . .

That accurately describes how I am feeling right now. I have my first sinus infection and I have never felt more awful. My head hurts, my teeth hurt, my face hurts, my ears hurt, everything above the neck hurts pretty much. I can't smell or taste anything and I have to eat because of the antibiotic they put me on--it's truly impossible to find anything I want. All I have done for the past two and a half days is switch between the couch and my bed, dozing, watching movies, reading if my headache allows and trying not to go crazy.
Times like these I wish I were Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail so that I could get a bouquet of daisies from a man like Tom Hanks.

Also, I may have to miss the FSU game. Seeing as I can't even find the energy to get up and put in a load of laundry, I don't see how me standing in the student section screaming for 4 hours will work out. Funny thing: 2 years ago when FSU was in town I woke up with MRSA. I can tell you MRSA was a lot less painful and miserable than a sinus infection.

Job.

I need a job. . . desperately. If any of y'all know of any places hiring around the Anderson, Clemson, Easley, Greenville, and Seneca areas PLEASE let me know!!!  I would love to be doing something in or around healthcare sites--even if it's not clinical. Anything administrative or organizational would do the trick though. Or it would be fun to work retail in a cute boutique or work in a small business (I'm not really feeling the love for chains and nationally owned places currently). Maybe babysitting. Maybe wait staff at a nice restaurant. Maybe personal assistant. Maybe receptionist. Maybe anything. . .I'll take it.
I'm a hard-worker, fast-learner, good people skills, about to be proud owner of a BS type of girl!

Sorry I'm a lame blogger. . .

I'm back from the gym, and the endorphins did me good. I'm awake now, and not the walking dead I was before. Sorry I've been so silent lately, friends. There's lots going on.
Between corralling reference writers for applications, being a Maid of Honor (now affectionately called "Slave of Honor"), making sure 100 students here get the tickets they want for football games, checking on jobs every now and then, and the 4 home football games in a row, life is pretty crazy.

Did I mention: there are 25 days until "The Wedding"???? I feel like it's all I talk about these days, and it's not even mine. I think I will be more chill with my own because I don't fear disappointing myself. But anyway, mom and I talk an average of 3-5 times per day, each time with a new update or decision to be made.

Can I tell you my dress drama?? I'm telling everyone these days because it is quite hilarious/ironic/irking. When I say "dress" I am talking about none other than "The Bridesmaid Dress" (i.e. bane of my existence these days). So, back in June the ladies at the dress shop measured me. Lady 1 pulled the measuring tape from around my waist, checks her book and names a highly outrageous size number that I won't even write on here. Lady 2 says "No, that can't be right" after glancing my way and I feel a wave of relief rush over me. "Thank Goodness someone doesn't think I'm an elephant" was running through my head when she names a size one lower than that. REALLY?!? So I let it go (Big Mistake).
Skip to last Saturday when Mom brings the dress up and I try it on. . .YIKES. I think I was wearing 2 dresses. "Uh, I think the dress is beautiful" is what I said. I wanted to cry. Come Tuesday I go to a little alterations shop in Pendleton, SC to get it altered. You know it's bad when the lady does a double-take when you come out of the dressing room and says, "Well, gosh." That's it. Those were her words. And thus begins the pinning. She pulls in one side and then the other. Still too loose. Repeat 3 times. Finally when I feel as snug as a bug in a rug and can't put my arms by my side because there is so much fabric clumped at the sides of the dress, she smiles, looks in the mirror, and says, "Now aren't we looking better!!" I think my smile covered my entire face at that moment. I don't think my smile was quite as big when I discovered that the dress alterations re-making will cost me $56 dollars (in all fairness, they are re-making the thing).

So, I go to pick it up on Friday and I hope it's perfect. I'm quite excited about the fact that it has pockets and crinoline and we are going to be wearing gold, sparkly shoes with it!! It's every little girl's dream outfit, there's no denying that!!!

P.S. Mid-post writing I got a call: the engagement shoot is up on the photographer's website!! So, in case you haven't heard enough about my sister's wedding, check the pictures out here. 

Eyes, Stay Open.

The first round of tests has arrived. But, good news: It's the last first round of tests I will ever see in Undergrad!! Crazy. So, for now, I am going to urge my sleep-deprived body to get up off this couch and go to good old Fike. Then to bed, to bed goes my sleepy little head.

Continued Chronic Fatigue Chronicles

Nice alliteration, huh?? haha

If I'm honest, I was freaking out about coming back to school with the Chronic fatigue diagnosis. Partly because I was worried that nothing would be different (i.e. a nap a day, no energy for hanging out with friends, etc), and partly because I worried that I would discover that I'm simply a crappy student and a change in energy level wouldn't help that. But thankfully, it is DIFFERENT than previous years.

Do I still feel the 4 o' clock slump and require caffeine? Oh yes. Do I yawn? Yes. Do I still take naps? Yes--2 since I've been here but they were less than an hour each (and brought my total sleep for the day to about 8 hours. . . a vast improvement from 14). Am I productive every second of every day? No. Do I love life?? Heck yes!

I'm not superhuman all of the sudden but there's no denying that life is different---way different. I'm a good student, I love to learn! The day-to-day school experience has drastically changed. It's fun to go to classes now that I don't feel like I have dragged my body there. What else has changed?? Well, I'm running daily now (and loving it)!!! When it gets hard and my muscles are aching and my lungs are hurting, I have to smile because it "hurts so good"!! There is so much more time for laughs with roommates, joining small groups, long-distance communication, studying, spur-the-moment adventures, etc. I'm literally reveling in life--it is fun and there is so much to stay awake for!!

Owning someone's heart

I'm reading Faithful God by Sinclair Ferguson. It's an exposition of the book of Ruth and boy is it convicting!!! A lot of the book focuses on how Christ-like Boaz was. Sinclair quotes Temple Gairdner, a missionary to Egypt, as an insight into Boaz's spirit--this is blow-your-head-off-good stuff. Gairdner wrote this on his wedding day:
That I may come near to her, draw me nearer to Thee than to her; 
that I may know her, make me to know Thee more than her;
that I may love her with the perfect love of a perfectly whole heart,
cause me to love Thee more than her and most of all.
Amen. Amen. 


He also penned these words earlier in his life in a journal:
Prayed definitely that I may be a man and have a heart one day pure and noble enough to be owned by and to own a woman's heart. 


My Heavens!!! The paragraph above is what I've been praying for my relationship with my future husband except said in a much more eloquent manner. The journal entry is just what I pray my husband is praying right now.
For myself, I'm praying that I may have a heart one day pure and meek enough to be owned by and to own a man's heart.

The Trip

Beginning of the first trail--Lebanon, NH

Mama

Mr. Spider

Daddy and I . . . don't you just love the reflective ankle bands. . . my pants caught in the gears

So Northeastern

"Granite Alley"

Cows, farmhouse, barn, and parents

Train station turned community storage room

The 'rents in the Nitro we affectionately called "Squarebob Spongepants"

2nd trail--St. Albans, VT

Mapping it out

WET! And at mile 12.5--I had on 4 layers and we'd biked over an hour (C.O.L.D.)

Daddy and I in front of "Corn Alley"

Comfort Inn in Barre, VT

These poor people thought it was summer so they dressed their bears for the beach--little do they know that 60 degrees doesn't count for summer at all!!!

Cabot Cheese--Cabot, VT

Goodrich Maple Farm--Cabot, VT

All those "scars" are from tapping the tree for sap--the one Dad is pointing to was probably created around 1850

Pemigewasset River in Fraconia Notch State Park in NH--First time we saw the sun!!!

The Flume at Franconia Notch--BEAUTIFUL!!

Me in front of Mt. Liberty, Mt. Flume, and Mt. Osseo (L to R)

 TO BE CONTINUED. . . 

The Birth of a Wedding Program

Did I tell you that I am making the program for my sister's wedding?? I am, and I still don't know how I landed this little monster of a task!

Tonight, my mom and I must have emailed it back and forth at least 10 times: I would do something, she would approve or disapprove, and it would be emailed back. We have so many different versions we are now saving them with an explanation of the corrections, the date AND the time listed in the file name. Oh Heavens, help me!!!

Besides checking on spelling of two middle names and the minister giving us a scripture reference to put in, I think the program is pretty much ready to send to the printer--HALLELUJAH!! Who knows how many hours I have spent on this puppy so far!

Here's a sketch of the chapel that will be included in the program:

What a joy to watch my sister get married in this place!!!!

A quick update

Friends,
I have to go to bed because 9:05 is fast-approaching, and with it HLTH 490. BUT, guess what I did today?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

1) SUBMITTED MY PA SCHOOL APP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2) APPLIED FOR GRADUATION FROM CLEMSON!!!!!!!

Notice I'm way more excited about the first!
I wasn't going to share my app completion with y'all because I am super-scared I won't get in BUT in the interest of full disclosure should any PA hopefuls run across this blog, and because I told y'all I was working on it, I did share this news. PLUS, I could just scream if from the mountaintops!
I feel like it's a huge step in life--first grad school application! CRAZY!! I'll keep y'all updated but I'm not hoping to hear anything before early November. MUSC doesn't do interviews until November and they continue through December.
I'm excited! I'm ready to take the next path the Lord has for me!! Pray for me that I wouldn't rest in my version of the Lord's plans for me, but that I would rest in Him alone!!!!!!

There's a New Man in my Life!!

While in Vermont I fell in love. My new love is tall, dark, and handsome. He is solid and sweet. Pretty much all the things I look for in a man. I could just eat him up!!! Meet Lenny. 

My hunk of burnin' love is a mere 1,700 lbs and solid to core (with milk chocolate)!

Now that you are all updated on my love life. I will catch you up on my travels later!!

Leavin' on a jet plane. . .

Bye Bye Blogging Buddies!!!
Talk to you next week when my calves are super-toned and my belly is full of lobster!!!

Sorry to waste your time.

Sorry for those of you who watched that physical activity video. . . it was a school project. I had uploaded the wrong type of file to our submission site for the class. So after trying 4 different file converters, I had to upload it somewhere and youtube wouldn't do it and neither would FB so the blog was the next option. And I sent my professor the link to my blog. . . embarassing. But it got the job done. SO I hope you didn't waste 5 minutes of your life watching that, and I'm sorry if you did!

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the last time I will be in Charleston before my sister's wedding! (SCARY!) We're meeting with the caterer (and she said to come hungry. . . um, that's exciting), the flower supplier to put in the order for all our flowers, and, the most exciting part, THE HAIRDRESSER!!! woo hoo! I just love getting my hair done for special occasions and it's even more fun when you've never been to the person before so they have to do a dry-run and then you get to walk around all day with "special hair." I mean, it's the little things in life. . . 

Anyway, this is the look I'm going for! I wanted mostly down but out of my face, and I wanted something that could look windblown but not get completely destroyed since the reception promises to be windy. Plus, it will be nice to not fight the curls. . . just let 'em go!! 

And, these are the dresses that we will be wearing! Ours are "vintage bronze" and we will remove that flowery, hanging thing and place a green sash of the same fabric over the cumerbund sort-of area.

. . . AND THEY HAVE POCKETS!!!!!

If God Already Knows, Why Pray?

This is the excerpt from If God Already Knows, Why Pray? that I mentioned in my last post. I just love the way Doug Kelly writes it, so I thought I'd give y'all the story straight from the horse's mouth! This is from the introduction to the book:

      Prayer changes the world: it makes good thins happen because it gets God's will done and thus brings down His best blessings. This is the message of the Old and New Testaments, as well as the experiences of God's people throughout the ages. The God of the Scriptures has great blessings stored up for His people, but He has so planned it that those blessings can only be released by the prayers of His people. 
      The power of prayer to change things by bringing into one's life good things (which are later seen to have been part of the eternal plan of God) is illustrated in a rather unusual romance. In 1970 an American postgraduate student from the southern states was captivated by the beauty, intelligence, and faith of an English girl who was studying, as he was, at the University of Edinburgh. 
      Instead of asking the attractive girl out on dates, the rather quiet Southern boy started praying hard that the Lord would prepare the girl to marry him! He prayed constantly for two years, at times beginning to wonder if he were trying to force the Lord into something that perhaps only he, rather than the Lord, wanted. And all during this time the girl showed few, if any, signs of interest--or even disinterest! Yet the lad prayed on, and one day popped the question, which to his delight was answered with a definite yes. 
      But had he actually forced the Lord's hand? As the years passed and children were born and the parents engaged in Christian ministry, there was more and more evidence--in small as well as large ways--that they were truly meant for each other; that they made a team intellectually, spiritually, culturally, as well as physically and family-wise. Only God could have brought them together.
      Therefore, the student's two years of constant praying, instead of getting God to do something He was hesitant to do, actually released the blessings of a partnership the Lord had planned from eternity. God made the plan and then used the prayers to bring His plan into happy execution. 

What a testimony. . . and that's just part of the Introduction! Read the book--it's convicting and encouraging. Your view of your prayer life will be changed.

The Power of Prayer

We had a pastor-friend stay with us over the weekend. He has written several books and is a brilliant, kind, loving man. In one of his books (If God Already Knows, Why Pray?), he describes the way he and his wife met and fell in love and it is such a powerful example of prayer moving mountains!
For one of his many degrees he attended the University of Edinborough in Scotland. At the beginning of his time there he was drawn to a woman who was superb in every way, but he was so sure that she would turn down a boy from Dillon, SC that he didn't ever talk to her. So, for two years, he watched her and prayed that the Lord would make her his one day. After two years, he approached her one day and popped the question, I'm talking "Will you Marry Me?"--out of the blue!!! And she said YES! It doesn't go into all the details in the book but I'm sure the Lord did some serious work in her heart! Now, decades later, they are very much in love, traveling the world, and doing great things for the kingdom!
Y'all, prayer is powerful!! The Lord is showing me the powers of the prayers of his people. We have a burden to pray for the nation, for our communities, for revival, for friends and family, for our future, for an increase in the knowledge of Him, and for so many other things!! My mom once told me that our prayers are like water behind a dam, and the "water" continues to build up behind the dam until it eventually breaks, pouring out the Lord's blessings on us. Perhaps, it takes two years for that dam to break, maybe only a week or two, and possibly, we don't perceive that dam breaking on our heads. But the Lord has promised that our prayers are heard and he will answer in accordance with His will and good purposes. Hallelujah! What a Savior!
Hope that you have a fabulous Sabbath tomorrow! Oh, and you should check out Doug Kelly's books, especially If God Already Knows, Why Pray?


Here are some great excerpts from the book:
pg 26--"At last, here is the answer to the question: what is God like? This is what the triune God is like: life, light, and love. That is the secret to this universe and the key to understanding everything that exists."
pg 63--"In the prayers of His people, as everywhere else, our God has the initiative. This is very encouraging if we grasp what it means! Effective prayers start in Heaven and are sent down to us by God Himself."

JSYK. . .

. . . 141 days until I graduate from Clemson!! WHAT?!?!? Time has flown!


I promise I won't update this countdown again until there are less than 100 days left. After that, I make no promises! : D

Legit.

I'm a legit phlebotomist now! Albeit, one without a job. . .  But, legit nonetheless!!

I applied to 2 more jobs today, so we'll see how those go! Exciting stuff!

As soon as the wedding's over. . .

. . . I'm making this little slice of heaven! For now, I'm going to pound the pavement. . .

PS: Happy August! It came so fast!

Wedding Planning Update

I'm now a wedding planner. I'm planning my sister's wedding and dinner reception for approx 215 people, along with my mother, of course.

So here's where we are in the process:
Caterer? Check. Tasting is done and boy is it yummy, esp. those sweet potato biscuits!
Cake? Check. And freakishly delicious!!
Ceremony Venue? Check. Beautiful and filled with meaning for my g'parents, which is one of the best parts.
Reception venue? Check. Also filled with meaning for my g'parents and the entire fam, as it is in their yard!!
Rentals? Check. Tent, chairs, tables, linens, silverware, plates, glasses --SO many details, yikes-a-be!
DJ? As of tonight, Check!! Excited to have Paul from Upstate Swing (he taught my sister swing at Clemson)
Flowers? Getting there. Do you know how many green and white flowers there are? I do!
Favors? An apple dipped in chocolate, already tasted, and it's de-li-cious!
Seating chart? We're using oysters!!!! I won't tell how now but after the fact there sure will be pics!!
Save-the-dates? Signed, sealed, delivered!!
Invitations? They're in! But now we have to address them . . . yikes-a-be (all-over again)!
Programs? I'm working on it. . . we should probably choose the music first, though.
Music? Organist: hired. Songs chosen: no way jose--we need to work on that.
Minister? Check.
Bridesmaid dresses? Ordered!
Groom/Groomsmen suits? Ordered!
Bridal Gown? Ordered!! And y'all: she's going to look B-E-A-U-TIFUL!!!!

It's the things like the marriage license that need to be remembered (which by the way needs to be applied for), everything else is just extra "icing."

So, I'm learning a lot and staying busy this summer! You know, some people may say this is all fluff but my sister and her fiance really desperately want to celebrate the Lord at their ceremony and then celebrate their union at the reception as well as the people that have surrounded, loved, and prayed for them throughout their lives! What a joyful day it will be!! And I can't wait to sit back and celebrate them and dance the night away beneath the stars and the light of the lanterns hanging in the oak trees. Oh, it's going to be beautiful!

Happy things!

There's so much fun to be had in the next few days, weeks, and months!!!
- This weekend a good friend is getting married and I'm looking forward to wearing a brand new dress (that I got from J. Crew for a fifth of the original price) and dancing up a storm.
- Next week I am done with phlebotomy and will be officially certified to work. And my sister has a wedding shower!
- The next week I take a trip to Clemson to drop off a load of furniture/clothes/all-manner-of-stuff
- The next week I'm going to Maine, New Hampshire, AND Vermont! And will be eating lobster (something I have NEVER done before), biking a lot, and going sailing!!!
- Then I have two weeks of simply school (and hopefully work, too).
-Then 4 straight weekends of Clemson football in Death Valley!
-Then my sister's bachelorette weekend!!
-THEN MY SISTER GETS MARRIED!!!

So there's my life through October 7th! It's going to be fun, busy, and quite the adventure!!!

I was just thinking about Christmas the other day and how different it will be this year--B and J are with her parents this year, M and D will probably split time between the two sets since their parents live so close together, and I will be the only Wingate at home for the entire thing. I wonder how I will feel about it then, I wonder what will have happened in my life by then. I know I will be done with college and I may know if I'm into grad school or not. Hopefully I will have worked in the hospital for a few months by then and will have gained a lot of experience, how will that affect me? These are the things I wonder. If the months following October 7th are as busy and dynamic as the weeks leading up to that weekend will be, I am in for a wild ride. Who knows what changes will have occurred in my life by the end of December! It's a little scary, I'm not going to lie.
A part of me is laughing at the future and dying to know what's ahead, but the tiny, scared part of me is wanting to hold on tightly to the here and now. This semester will be one of major transition, there's no doubting that. Most days I will be blissfully unaware of the changes occurring and then they will sneak up on me like they have tonight. But that's good too, I would hate to feel like I was in transition every minute of every day!!

Stitches

Did I tell you I had gum surgery??? . . . Probably did. Well, tonight, after a week and a half of stitches in the roof of my mouth I got completely and utterly tired of them, they were becoming sore and painful because sharp food would hit them and poke the ends of the knots into the roof of my mouth! So, what did I do? I got a compact, tweezers, some sort of unsanitary small scissors, and a scaler for teeth and went at them sitting on the bathroom counter with my face 2 inches from the mirror and somehow managing to use the compact mirror as a dental mirror. It was fun. And I got all 6 out. And I'm proud. My first stitches removal--done on myself, with only two hands and completely improper instruments. The negative of doing it on yourself: even the slightest twinge and your hands start shaking and when you are working backwards in two mirrors near a surgical sight that's not so great. But, the results: no bleeding, no puncture wounds from scissors and best of all--NO stitches!!! I am not sure the doctor will be thrilled later this week when I've done his job but. . . what can I say? I will NOT be attacking the stitches at the graft sight, don't worry. Plus, the stitches there are supposed to dissolve so hopefully no one will have to take them out.
So, if you need stitches removed, I'm your girl. Better yet: wait 3 years and you can pay me to take them out!

Beautiful Music

"Rolling in the Deep" has been my song over the past few months. . .but I can relate to these moments, too. She's my new favorite artist though--she's so fun to watch, you can see her mind working when she's on a stage, and she's oh-so-fabulously British!

P.S. The ads that end up with this video crack me up. . .oh, advertisers!

Fun Adventure Ahead!!

In mid-August, my parents and I (the other members of the fam are unavailable) will be flying to Maine and traveling through Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont for a week. We will be renting bikes and an SUV and doing 6 rails-to-trails bike trails in the various states that are about 20-25 miles each. I am so looking forward to it! I've always wanted to see Maine and at least one of the trails we are doing is along the coast, so it should be gorgeous!! I am hoping to eat my first lobster and go sailing while I'm up there, too. But I'm sure you'll be hearing more about this later and seeing pics, too. . .
If you or your family has any inclination to biking, you should find a rails-to-trails path and make a day of it. The paths are places that have been converted to bike trails from train tracks, so there is very little traffic and, because the railroad tracks could only withstand small grades, there are little to no hills. There are 22 of them in SC alone: Charleston, Greenville, Edgefield, Spartanburg, etc.

You know, I was just thinking. . .

As a maturing human, I am beginning to see the gravity of life and many of the burdens that are yet to come, while as a maturing Christian I am beginning to taste the depths of joy that I never knew existed--joy so strong you just feel like you have to go out and pull a Sound of Music (you know, find some grassy hill and run up it singing with your arms wide open--with no breathy notes, of course).
When I get to Heaven I may remember the sorrowful, heavy moments, but I think those feelings will be overshadowed with such joy that I drew closer to Jesus because of them that I will have nothing to do but LITERALLY pull a Sound of Music and sing to the Father my love, my adoration, and my overwhelming joy!!

"My cup runneth over. . . " 

Jesus I am Resting

Today I was overcome with thoughts of what I did in a situation and what I could have done instead. My behavior definitely affected the rest of my life story. I was overcome with sadness, just a deep longing to go back in time and do things differently. Why did I act like that? Why did I say those things? Why did the person react that way? Could I do anything right now to change the outcome? If I had acted differently would that have changed anything anyway?
I was listening to my Ipod while driving as these thoughts pervaded my mind and "My Father's World" came on and I was struck by how much my life and history and future are in the Father's hands. He has set my path ahead of me, he knows my future and nothing I can do and no way I can act can screw that up. What a blessing! What a comfort! What a joy! The Lord has plans for me, and in all things he will work to draw me closer to him.
Interestingly, one of the next few songs was "Back in June" by Matt Wertz. One line says, "I can't change the ending, And I don't want to change your mind. I've learned lessons in the mending, And I've made it through just fine." And that's true. I can't change the outcome and it was hard for a while, but I've made it through, not only fine, but better. The Lord had this in his plans for me, it's drawn me to him, and I'm resting in his leadership and plan for my life.