Tonight I was prompted to think of all the things that have happened in my life since last November 29th and it is an odd sensation. Perhaps it strikes me more since I am graduating in 23 days and I feel like I'm coming into the person I will be for the rest of my life (this probably should have happened earlier ;D ). Maybe it's this odd thought I have that I don't need anybody or anything else in my life to stay completely satisfied forever. I've changed this year, I feel it. Maybe not outwardly but I am a different person inside.
This year I've been unable to heal the hurts of people I love. I've seen what love is and what it is not. I've put myself "out there" in many areas of my life and risked failing in bigger ways than before. I've learned/shaped the role I will take in my family as we go forward. I've felt a sense of exponentially increasing independence from my family and home, concurrent with an ever-increasing sense of a unified front with them (that makes no sense, I'm sure). I've taken giant leaps towards my career calling and realized that I will need to seriously work at not being a workaholic because I'm going to love it. I've drawn up images and goals in my mind of where I want myself to be physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally in the decades beyond my twenties and thirties.
Perhaps I've got this new sense of life beyond "me." I've been so stuck on the "get to career" images and dreams that I'm just now beginning to see beyond. I'm beginning to challenge myself in a what will I do with my life type of way rather than what will I do with my useful years. What will I do with my life in the years beyond what society calls "useful" for my life?? What can I do now to challenge my brain and soul so that when the day comes I can still be a warrior of righteousness despite my failing body??
I'm just getting older, and that's good. . . most of the time.
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