Exhausted

This block I hit a wall-- I did fine in all my exams but one and it just fell through the cracks and kept on falling. This is all consuming and it's hard to do alone. I'm consumed by school but lonely. This is my calling in life right now and I do enjoy it, but the future money and "career outlook" means nothing to me, and currently I'm still useless at treating patients so I'm just in a lackluster stage. Yet the Lord has a purpose for this, He is calling me to learn right now in order that one day I may love on His people by caring for them physically to reach their lost and diseased spirits. May I not lose sight of that and grow weary. May I find JOY in His presence and the immense love He has shown me. May I not fear the future or loneliness but persist knowing that my God has won the battle, He has victory over fear and loneliness and weariness and in Him alone will I be able to laugh at the future, enjoy constant community, experience perfect and sustaining love, and sense peace that can lead to rest.


I need a long quiet time and then about 30 hours sleep (we'll start with 8). A break is coming, I'm just at mile 21 of the marathon and I need to push through.

Return, O holy Dove, return,

     Sweet messenger of rest;

I hate the sins that made thee mourn,

     And drove thee from my breast.

The dearest idol I have known,

     Whate'er that idol be;

Help me to tear it from thy throne,

     And worship only thee.

So shall my walk be close with GOD,

     Calm and serene my frame;

So purer light shall mark the road

     That leads me to the Lamb. 

                                                    - "Walking with God" William Cowper