Wednesday is my sleep study, by Thursday morning I should know if I have sleep apnea. I honestly want to hear that I do have sleep apnea. I don't want to go on living my life sleeping 14 hours of it a day away. I love life. I hate that I get tired headaches all the time, that my head feels heavy as lead, and the my legs just feel too heavy to lift going up the stairs. I used to do an hour of cardio a day and lift weights 3 times a week. Night before last, I WALKED on the treadmill for 40 minutes and had to stop because I was so tired--I wasn't out of breath, I was barely sweating, but I just couldn't go on. I'm eating 2 meals a day because I sleep so much that I don't need the normal 3. I forget words that are easy and every day. I wonder if my relationship didn't work out because of this. I remember going through our days together and him listing off a thousand things he did that were productive and furthered the Kingdom, and there I sat trying to make my nap and studying sound interesting. It is really hard to make napping sound interesting over Skype (haha). I keep reminding myself that that was just not who the Lord had for me and I've come to the point where I don't desire that anymore, but it does frustrate me to think that a condition with a simple fix like a CPAP could have caused me to kill my relationships/make fewer solid relationships in college. I started the application to PA school and wondered how I let my life go like this--I don't have experience hours, I don't have good references, and my gpa is not the greatest. Why did I not bulldog this sooner? Why did I think it was normal to get tested for mono 3 times in a year and a half time span?
I keep reading about the rates of sleep apnea in cleft palate patients and getting the same answer. You see, there are two reconstruction techniques. The one I had is called the pharyngeal flap procedure where they basically take a flap from the upper pharynx to close the cleft (from what I gather. . . ), and in all the studies there are higher incidences of sleep apnea and "sleep disturbances" postoperatively with this technique. On the other hand, the other technique has a higher incidence of nasally-sounding speech. I can't decide if I'd rather sleep a lot or talk nasally. :) Anyway, that's beside the point. Either way, the reconstructive surgery is done, whether I like it or not. My body physiology is screwed up, whether I like it or not. And, I am going to bulldog some sort of diagnosis for myself, whether the doctors like it or not.
And on that note: I'm going to bed.
I've only slept 12 hours today so I'm lacking. :) I kid. But really. . .
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