Impatience. . .It's definitely not a virtue!

Alright, so on Friday I find out if I got accepted into the Health Science major. . .and I am SO ready. Just to let y'all know, I applied for this in APRIL! So about 6 months this has been in the works now. If I get in it means: I get to graduate in May of 2011, I don't have to take Calculus (or any more math for that matter!), If I continue on to med school I will be a year younger when I finish all my schooling, and I will be taking classes that I enjoy a WHOLE lot more. If I get accepted I will further my feelings that the Lord is calling me into medicine, too. However, the Lord may have another plan in mind for me that is so much better, even though I can't see it now. So, I am trying to keep my hopes and expectations down for now, though that is so hard, and I am praying for His will to be done and not my own!! So keep praying if you are reading this!

Bouquets of Sharpened Pencils.

"Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address. On the other hand, this not knowing has its charms."

Favorite quote from favorite scene of favorite movie. Hands down.

I love fall. We're going apple-picking on Sunday and I CANNOT wait. Then, fall break next weekend.

Life is extremely good and God's creation is even better.

Weary.

Today was a great day. . . and yet tonight my soul feels weary. Perhaps it's because I have not talked to anyone in my family or because I am physically exhausted or because I know that tomorrow I have to go to the library and study organic or because I realized tonight that it is highly likely that I will go through college dateless or because I just want to sit and soak in Jesus without my stupid sin getting in the way or because I really just want bed now but I need to take a shower first. Whatever it may be, I am down. I will be up again tomorrow I am sure. I am praying that I have a new task at the Free Medical Clinic (perhaps a little more patient interaction?). I am praying that I have good conversation with certain people. I am praying that I sleep hard and fast. I am praying that the Lord would prepare my brain to focus and understand the organic material that I need to study, and also that I could retain it well, too. I am praying that the hours in the library will fly by. I am praying that mom and dad have landed safely in San Fran. I am praying that my heart will be light tomorrow. I am so thankful that I can bear my burdens to the Lord and he is open-armed, ready to accept me no matter how I feel. I am thankful too that this morning I read that my standing in God's sight is not measured by how I feel throughout the day but rather how He sees me in light of the atonement His perfect son made on the cross for my sin.

Good Night to all!

Psalm 121:3-4 "He will not let your foot slip--he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep."

Call Me.

For what seems like years now I have been asking the Lord for a call to something. Anything!! I want to do His will so badly and I don't care what. But it is the planner in me that just wanted to know. I do projects this way. I don't care how well they're done, just so long as they are checked off of MY list. Well, the Lord has other ideas in mind. He is taking away my Type A tendencies and teaching me that I cannot always plan. So, in the recent weeks I feel that I have been praying about this all the time, when I know that I sinfully, have prayed way too little and followed my own heart way too much. However, I am feeling that He has slowly been opening the doors, inch by inch to medicine. I know that at any moment He can change my path and slam some doors in my face which is keeping me on my knees ALL THE TIME!! I pray that my whole life and career will serve to glorify the Lord and further His kingdom. I know that if the Lord is calling me to medicine He will give me strength to get through med school and the opportunity to see Him perform many a miracle!

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

I guess we're at that age. . . But HOW?!?!?!

OH MY STARS!!! I just found out that one of the girls I grew up with is ENGAGED!!!!! She's my age! I think it is absolutely thrilling and I am SO excited for them. But it got me thinking. . . I am old enough to get married now! That's just flat out weird to me! I feel like a 5 year old sometimes walking around pretending to be something I'm not when I am just going to classes! Part of me is jumping out of my skin excited and anxious at the thought and part of me just wants to sob! I'm not a kid anymore, I pay bills and credit card balances, those things will never go away. . . I will never get the carefreeness (I know, it's not a word) of life as a child back.
I feel like time is slipping by so fast and I don't want to go study and I don't want to pay bills. I just want to focus on my relationships with people and bask in the glow of the Lord's creation. But. . . He has called me to be a student and He has me where I am for a reason that will one day be revealed. I do pray for peace and patience every day these days. It's so hard for me to not be able to plan, and the Lord knows that, and I suppose that is why He is making me put all my faith in Him and all my eggs in His basket. I know that He will never drop them though, what a comfort.

Horizons. . .

So today was RUF Tuesday!! Which I love! I sat down. A boy sat next to me. He was cute. I introduced myself. Worship began. His girlfriend comes and sits next to him. Welcome to my life.

After the above played out, it hit me. The Lord doesn't want me to focus on finding a soulmate right now, no matter how much I say the relationship would be focused on the Lord, it would not be. It would be a selfish relationship because that is what I want. Now. Then Stephen began his lesson and he talked about the person you marry being your best friend and you having the felos love which is two people standing side by side looking and working toward the same horizon, which should be Jesus. And I realized the Lord is calling me to walk toward Him alone right now. He wants me to focus on him, even though I feel that the Lord will one day call me to be a best friend to a guy and to continue walking forward with him, he hasn't yet and I do not need to push that. It is better to be alone than without God.

So as I sit here, the horizon over Tiger Town is dark, but my horizon is very very brilliantly bright!